When You Were Young
by slouchbeanie75
Summary: When Jonathan Crane was a child, he promised to protect a little girl who thought the world of him. By the time they meet again, she's a patient in a mental asylum and has absolutely no memory of his part in her childhood. Is he helping her because of his forgotten promise, or because of something more? Cheesy summary, bear with me - Crane X OC
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived on his street (although, this was hardly a matter of importance to begin with; his street was a long one and many people lived there). The little girl's name was Lily and when he had turned eleven, she had been five.

Far before he had turned eleven, however, Jonathan Crane had found it hard to fit in with any of the sub-groups situated within his school. He had a knack for attracting unwanted attention and for magnetizing trouble. Jonathan was different; by the time he was nine, he understood Freud's theories of various fixations and was already dreaming of college as an escape from these tormentors of his.

Jonathan Crane was already intoxicatingly interested in fear, and how it could reduce even the strongest person to a feeble, shaking wreck.

The little girl liked to play in the park near his school. Once or twice he had seen her walking past the school gate, holding the hand of a loving mother. How sweet. He had merely dismissed her as another young child, a kid in _kindergarten_.

Jonathan Crane – the kid with a body that consisted primarily of knees, elbows and right angles, the kid with eyes too large for his face, the kid who had no friends – had found out one day while walking home that the girl lived in his street with her mother, Emma Altridge. He had seen her sitting on her front porch, swinging her feet idly, humming a repetitive childish song, the kind with no words and no structure. He had kept his head down, focusing only on his feet and the pavement in front of them; kids, no matter what age, he certainly didn't like. And this one was lucky enough to live in a big house all by herself (well, herself and her mother).

As he walked by, replaying the blissful scene in his head where he graduated high school and was accepted into the first college of his choice, he noticed that she had a wrapped-up lollipop, probably given to her by her perfect 2.0 parents. Jonathan's grandmother would be caught dead before she gave him any sort of candy. And this kid was, what, five, six?

He resumed his focus on the pavement and walked past her, intent on ignoring her little humming figure, the epitome of happiness…

Then the little girl was next to him, tapping his hand. Jonathan jumped – instinct: if anyone ever touched him, it usually didn't entail good intentions – and, feeling embarrassed that he had done so, turned on her. 'Didn't your mom ever tell you not to sneak up on people?' he snapped.

He waited for her to start crying. Crying was all he could associate with little kids. Instead, she just stared. Jonathan noticed she was probably cute for a little kid; big hazel eyes, dark hair in choppy bunches, freckles. She stuck out her hand – the one with the lollipop in it. 'Here,' she mumbled and he could see a tooth missing.

Jonathan rarely experienced a moment where someone wanted to _freely_ give him something, unless it was a kick to the shins. He stared at it suspiciously. 'What's in it?' he demanded, expecting, at the very least, poison.

The little girl scrunched up her nose, trying to imagine the ingredients that could combine together to create a lollipop. 'Sugar and purple stuff?' she shrugged.

'I don't want it,' Jonathan said flatly. 'It's just something for _little_ kids anyway.'

Of course what he had been saying was childish; he was talking _to_ a _child._ Just as he expected, the little girl dropped her hand to her side and her eyes glistened with tears. But she didn't wail, like most kids her age did when they were upset. Within seconds her mother was out on the porch.

'Lily? Oh, sweetie! What are you doing out here?' The mother saw her daughter out on the footpath, ran to her and scooped her up. Jonathan took off before the kid could say anything incriminating.

For the next few weeks, he would find things on the mat outside his home after he'd walked back from school. One day it would be a few interestingly shaped rocks, another day it would be a leaf with a Crayola smiley face drawn shakily on it, as though by hands that could not quite yet grasp the crayon firmly enough…

He didn't know for sure that it was the little girl, he would reason with himself. It might just be a trick from one of the other kids that went to his school or some weirdo who thought the outside of his shabby terrace apartment looked like a great place to store items. There was no reason to feel guilty about making her cry. She was just a little kid anyway. Lots of things made little kids cry. And he had enough to deal with, namely other schoolchildren who thought bending his arm behind his back was a good way to pass the time and a grandmother that thought he was the antichrist.

Jonathan Crane rarely received gifts, even those with such a childlike complexity as rocks.

However, he couldn't deny it when he saw the dog.

When he had seen the girl – Lily – walk past his school, sometimes she would be carrying a toy dog – one of those little golden retrievers, a little dirty from playing outside. The little kid would – _Lily_ would clutch it tightly and just like that he had been able to tell this dog meant a little more than whatever other toys she had.

Upon seeing the little stuffed dog lying on his doormat, the little ball of guilt, the one that had been gnawing at his stomach with its little rat-sharp teeth, engulfed him with surprising force.

When it came to other people, Jonathan Crane found that he felt particularly indifferent. Adults had no real time for him and he had never cared much for children his age or any other; their response was mutual.

With a sigh, he picked up the dog, looking back down the footpath, the kind stained with blood splatters from Gotham's high crime rate. Was that the little girl, sitting on her porch?

He sighed again, shifting his bag from one shoulder to the other, and trekked back down, holding the dog in his hands as if it were some precious jewel rescued from a forbidden city.

Lily was sitting on her porch, wearing a grey shirt with a cartoon cat face and the ill-fitting jeans of a five-year-old. Her chin was resting in her little hands as he wandered up to where she'd been sitting. He inhaled deeply. What were you supposed to say?

The little girl perked up a little when Jonathan appeared but then, seeming to remember the last time he'd talked to her, scowled and crossed her arms. If anything, the scowl was hilarious. If he'd used words like 'adorable', it would have been at the top of his mental list.

'Um,' he said uncertainly, cradling the little toy dog in his hands, 'is this yours?'

She looked over at him, her little mouth still set in that scowl-line.

Jonathan tried again. 'This _is_ yours. I've seen you holding it.'

There was nothing but silence from the small girl's side of the conversation. He forced himself to be patient. This was the one kid who had bothered to spend time on him. The one _person_ , really. That was rather touching, he supposed. He felt nervous.

'Thank you,' he tried, realizing this wasn't really going to plan. The little girl stopped scowling and her face turned a surprisingly bright red.

'S'okay,' she mumbled.

'You can have it back,' Jonathan added, holding it out to her.

'Him.'

'Oh.' Jonathan resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her and tell her it wasn't really alive. 'Him.'

She looked at the dog, biting her lip and Jonathan knew she really wanted it back. But then she shook her head quickly, resisting temptation. 'It's okay,' she said casually. 'He's yours.'

Jonathan blinked owlishly. 'Okay. If you really want.'

She smiled widely to show him just how much she really wanted him to have it and he suppressed a smile. She was missing two teeth now.

'Did, um, you get a visit from the tooth fairy?' Jonathan attempted. He felt that he should at least make some form of conversation. God this was awkward. And stupid. He could feel his palms sweating.

But the little girl nodded excitedly. 'Yup! I got a quarter.'

'Wow,' Jonathan said, feigning interest. _The tooth fairy isn't real._ 'You must be getting pretty big.'

Lily nodded. Then she blurted, 'His name's Muffin.'

Jonathan looked down at the little dog in his hands. 'Thank you,' he said again. 'I probably should go. I mean, it's getting pretty late,' he added, looking around at the still rather bright daylight.

However, Lily nodded fervently. 'Okay. It was nice talkin to ya.' She paused before adding, 'I'm Lily.'

Jonathan, who had been turning to leave, clearly stated his name before saying goodbye. Talking to other people wasn't his favorite thing to do. What if she asked something he didn't want to talk about?

Nonetheless, that feeling of guilt was replaced with one of quiet gratitude. Muffin may have been no more than a toy but he did help at night when it got bad and things would creep out of the closet across the shadows. Not that he'd ever admit it.

Fear. The things it reduced you to. When he had been three and his father was still alive, he would hold Jonathan close during thunderstorms and tell him that he had nothing to be afraid of, that it was all in his head. Fear was something that could be beaten.

But everyone was afraid of something. Rats, drowning, clowns… other people. There was always something to be afraid of.

Eventually, the little girl's mother came into some money (or rather, one of her relatives died and she came into a much larger amount of money), and the little girl moved away and grew up. _He_ grew up. He would see her here and there around Gotham City, the most notable time being on the subway once, during his university years. She'd been with a few friends and, although her hair was no longer in bunches, and she'd really only been around fourteen, he couldn't stop looking at her. It really was her. One of her friends had not so quietly noticed and, giggling, had elbowed the little girl he remembered, whispering in her ear.

She'd looked at him and smiled politely – but there was no recognition in her features. Jonathan didn't smile back, merely turning his head away, trying to ignore the small, unforgivable rise of hope that had just crashed down around his ears. In his peripheral vision, he'd noticed her evident confusion.

Then a funny thing happened, one that wasn't really so funny. That same year Emma Altridge remarried and soon after Lily's fifteenth birthday, her mother was found dead on the kitchen floor, stabbed fourteen times. It had been all over the papers. The stepfather, who was quite an important businessman, had called Gotham's police force and said someone must have broken in. However, if Jonathan had read the papers correctly, the second it appeared that the mother's small fortune would go to her daughter, the stepfather suddenly became undoubtedly sure that it was Lily who killed Emma.

And Gotham's police, satisfied with ignoring the truth as long as they were paid enough, decided that was just fine.

And so the little girl who had lived on his street was taken away to a mental hospital – one far from Gotham.

And sometimes, in the early hours of the morning, the dark no longer a threat, Jonathan Crane would wonder what had happened to her.

* * *

Two years later, an asylum a state away requested Arkham's head psychiatrist to come take a look at a few of their patients.

And that was how Crane found himself inside Hardwick Asylum, bored out of his skull and bordering on a migraine. Of course. That was _just_ what he needed right now.

A woman in a dark skirt and a navy blouse approached him, holding a chart and a smile claiming authority. 'Doctor Crane, it's an honor to finally meet you. I hear your work in Gotham is rather impressive. I'm Doctor Roselyn Perrish.' Her eyes visibly scanned over his body while he inwardly rolled his. Physical features that had been somewhat awkward in pre-teen years were now completely fine with members of the opposite sex. More than fine, apparently, from the way Roselyn Perrish smiled flirtatiously at him.

'Thank you.' He smiled back at her momentarily. Perhaps she noticed it didn't reach his eyes; however, not so long ago, Jonathan had grasped that most people thought it was simply the frosty color of his eyes rather than his internal behavior that caused them to look constantly disdainful. Naivety, at its finest.

Dr. Perrish seemed to follow that stem of belief, looking a little relieved as she looked down at her charts. 'Well, we may as well get started. Lately, Hardwick has been having a few patients here that are refusing to cooperate with their sessions – we think some of them may be –'

'You _think_?' he interrupted coolly as they walked down the well-lit corridor.

Her cheeks turned slightly pink but she seemed unruffled. 'Well, yes, that's my job, and yours too, I believe.' He kept his face impassive. He felt like his skull was shrinking around his brain, squeezing it like an orange being juiced, and when that happened it was always that little bit harder to bite back what he wanted to say in situations where he knew he had to keep his composure.

Dr. Perrish soldiered on. 'Some patients aren't giving us many clues as to what they're actually experiencing – some just,' she struggled to find a word to describe it, 'clam up.'

The pain in his temples blossomed now, begging to be noticed, begging to outmatch the throbbing in the back of his skull.

'What I meant,' Dr. Perrish added quickly, noticing his distant expression, 'is that a few seem very introverted whenever sessions commence and, well, one of our psychiatrists, Doctor Mallart, was just fired for –' She turned a little pink again before continuing with, 'sexual harassment on one of the girls and since then, a few of her companions are reluctant to make any progress so we're considering a transferal –'

He refrained from glaring at her ineptitude. God, he could use an aspirin… 'And some of these patients are?'

'Well,' said Dr. Perrish, flipping through her chart hastily, seeming to fathom just what Crane was thinking, 'there's Zoe Cambers – she's –'

He blocked her words. Really, he'd only asked for meaningless information so she could drone on and on about something for a while and he could avoid her asking him out for a while longer.

'– Lily Altridge, who – well, she stabbed her mother a few years back and –' Dr. Perrish seemed to realize that Dr. Crane wasn't walking next to her but had stopped a few feet back, staring at her.

'Doctor Crane?' she asked uneasily.

'Altridge. What does she suffer from?' he queried.

'Oh – well, you might have heard of her. Caused quite a big stir in Gotham. The patient murdered her mother,' Dr. Perrish replied, sounding bemused. 'We're not really sure what's _wrong_ with her –'

'What's keeping her here then?' Crane asked, raising an eyebrow.

'The fact that she can't admit she killed her mother,' said Perrish. 'She's warped it around in her head so she isn't to blame.'

'And what if she's innocent and you made a mistake?'

'No one's innocent, Doctor Crane.'

'Certainly not after Doctor Mallart's activities.'

Dr. Perrish's lips formed a tight line and Crane felt satisfied.

'May I see the patient?' he continued calmly. Perrish's brow furrowed. 'I – sure, I suppose,' she said, sounding rather unprofessional as she turned a corner and hastily clacked her heels past six doors.

'She's… in here,' Dr. Perrish clarified lamely and once again Crane inwardly rolled his eyes before peering into the small glass window at the top of the door.

His stomach rolled a little in excitement, a rather shocking event to be happening in an outer-state mental asylum. Although the girl in the room looked forlorn and lost, he could see the five-year-old shining through clearly.

She was in a red jumpsuit, one that was too baggy for him to get a clear outline of her body, and her hair hung around her face, nearly down to her ribs. Her hazel eyes were focused solely on her crossed feet and her hands lay in-between the diamond of space her legs had created. Her forearms, he noticed, where she had pulled up the sleeves looked delicate and freckled.

 _Lily._

'Well, I suppose you're right. Definitely insane. Move her to Arkham,' Crane decided and walked swiftly away before Dr. Perrish could question him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Lily barely understood what was going on.

Apparently because she refused to talk to someone associated with the creep who had sexually assaulted Allison, she had to be moved.

Okay, so maybe she should have guessed.

Hardly anything annoyed her anymore – except for the continuous gnawing reminder that she had been blamed for her mother's murder – but the thought of what had happened to Allison made her blood boil, made her hands curl into fists clenched so hard her fingernails left little half-moon crescents of blood across the galaxies of her palms.

She trembled as she rolled down the hallway, strapped to a gurney. The nurse pushing her smiled. 'Hey, Lil. Chill out, we're just moving you to another home.'

Lily blinked and realized she'd been so busy thinking about this new place (and if it could be worse than Hardwick Asylum) she hadn't even noticed Natalie was one of the people moving her. Natalie Holmes was one of the few people who talked to Lily like she wasn't disturbed and dangerous – mainly because, unlike many people, she'd noticed Lily _wasn't_ disturbed and dangerous. Unfortunately, it turns out if your murderer of a stepfather pays enough money, the truth can be hidden in a locked box. Lily fucking _lived_ in a locked box.

'Two years, huh,' Natalie sighed, quickly brushing one of her frizzy curls behind her ear.

'Been a while. Think I might actually miss you,' Lily said, grateful to have someone friendly escorting her for the moment.

Natalie scoffed. 'You're breaking my heart.'

Lily swallowed. 'Hey, Nat, where _am_ I going?'

Natalie clicked her tongue as she thought. 'I heard its Gotham,' she said.

Lily's heart leapt. 'Gotham?' she said warily. _Home? Even if it is just another asylum?_

 _It's Arkham_ , she thought suddenly. She could remember her friends discussing what it must be like inside Arkham Asylum, in the area known as the Narrows. By some sick twist of fate, it appeared she was going to know very soon.

'Why?' Lily rasped. Her throat had gone very dry.

Natalie shrugged as the gurney turned a corner. 'Executive decision. No offense but I don't think a lot of people are sorry to get rid of you.'

Lily chuckled. 'Are you one of those people?' she asked in a mock-warning tone.

Nat looked down at the girl. She was small, barely five foot three, and, although her old uniform hadn't shown it, she'd still filled out in all the right places. Her figure was as healthy as it could be – for a patient in a lunatic asylum. Her lips, though chapped, were a faded pink colour, and her wide eyes were a greenish hazel. Really, Nat thought to herself, if she'd just been out in the real world, there would have been a lot of broken hearts dedicated to her.

'Can't wait til you leave,' she responded indifferently. Not for the first time, she happily wished the girl's stepfather a horrible death.

* * *

She was loaded into a van, as if she were no more than a grocery bag. The ride was long and so bumpy it was impossible to maintain sleep for longer than a few minutes. Lily found herself bitterly wishing they had given her a mother load of Valium.

There was an old Wheatus song on the radio and Lily couldn't help but smile. She could remember being twelve and absolutely adoring that song, listening to it whenever she could. Her friends – or perhaps her ex-friends, seeing as how she hadn't seen them for three years – had loved it too; they'd sing it on bus rides. Lily had been adamant about going on bus rides, even when her mother had pointed out that she, Emma, was perfectly capable and even happy to pick Lily up after school. But the car was too fancy, too shiny and her friends would stare and make jokes about 'rich Lil', her dopey alter ego –

The radio was perhaps the only reason she survived the damn trip; after what felt like another two years, the van creaked to a rusty stop ( _great one, Asylum,_ she thought _, use practically no money on your wheels_ ) and she was unloaded. It was freaky ( _no, really?_ ), being strapped to a bed for so long. If it had been for another hour, Lily was sure she would have gone insane for real.

Thankfully, throughout her time in Hardwick Asylum, she had never once been put in a strait jacket. That was something Lily was sure would actually drive her crazy. According to a judge, she hadn't killed her mother willingly – she was just legally insane – something stupid like that. Bile rose in her throat and she swallowed harshly.

The first year in the mad house had been the hardest. She hadn't talked. She was never hungry and ate grudgingly (only because she was wasting away, and if she died her stepfather would have _won_ , and she couldn't have that). The whole world had felt numb; surrounded by people she didn't know, surrounded by nightmares; she could recall wanting something badly

( _muffin)_

but she couldn't remember what it was no matter how hard she thought about it.

Could Arkham be worse?

She could tell the guards driving her were somewhat thankful that she hadn't done anything "psycho" on the way in, like scream her head off or drone on and on about peanuts and how they were endangered. People always expected things like that. Lily, however, felt that she was generally a fairly placid person (considering her life for the last couple of years) and this surprised many doctors that had visited Hardwick Asylum. Many people were shocked at how _normal_ she appeared. Imagine that, a sane person in a nuthouse, ha-ha.

 _There are some really crazy people in here_ , she thought and had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing. That shouldn't even bother her anymore. She'd just have to get by and make friends with them.

* * *

'Who's this?'

A bearded guard glared at Lily and she instinctively ducked her head. There would always be time to make new friends later.

'Lily Altridge,' the guy holding her elbow said. 'Crane requested her transfer –'

'She's just in time for lunch,' the burly guy ground out. Lily looked cautiously up at him and gave a small smile. He didn't appear to notice, turning her against the wall and patting her down. Lily tried not to flinch, hoping he wasn't the groping sort. He grunted irritably, turning his back on her and unlocking a barred door. 'Run along,' he jeered and the guy grasping her elbow pulled her down the grubby corridor.

'Don't I have to be admitted? Like have an interview, give my name, age, stuff like that?' There was no answer. 'I had to do that last time –'

And here it was. She was being ignored again.

Arkham Asylum, being in considerable questionable condition, wasn't that bad, though; Gotham had always been a little worse for wear when you stopped marveling the tall buildings and brought perspective down to the streets. But it was home. Gotham City, at least – and, so it appeared, Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. _I guess I'm a criminal_ , Lily thought, dryly. _I'm in here with all the big guns now._ Well, not really. The really big guns didn't end up in prison or asylums. They made sure that the people who could potentially put them away were afraid, and so it was.

Within minutes, she was in the lunchroom; inwardly she cringed, no longer hungry. It was a great dirty white room with three wide (and stained) windows near the roof, laden with metal tables and people in red jumpsuits. While Hardwick Asylum had been strictly for females, she could see men _and_ women among the tables.

'Home sweet home.' He let go of her elbow, saluted with a leer and left her in the large room to fend for herself. She scanned the room for a place to sit down, her heart thumping nervously. It was like high school all over again, except if you sat with the wrong person they were likely to stab you in the face rather than just sit there awkwardly until you left.

She saw an almost empty table in the left corner of the room.

Lily quickly made her way there, hastily sitting down on a bench before studying the person across from her. With a start, she saw that the girl had to be only a few years older than her, twenty at the most. Her skin was too pale but her hair was a beautiful strawberry blonde colour, cropped short and choppy. She was eating a sandwich thoughtfully as she surveyed Lily with hooded eyes.

'Hi,' Lily said, unsure.

The other girl smiled. 'Hey, there. What brings you to Arkham?'

Lily raised her eyebrows. 'Besides the beautiful scenery?' She looked around as if taking in every glimpse of the room before turning back to the grey-eyed-girl. 'Not much.'

Her companion let out a startled giggle. 'Cool,' she grinned. 'Thank God you're not one of those tight-ass losers that we always see around here.'

'I've barely said anything,' Lily said, surprised.

'Don't make me hate you,' the other girl said desperately, dropping her sandwich. 'Hungry?' she added, offering the food to Lily.

'Oh – I'm fine, thanks.'

'Cool. It's kinda gross anyway.' She dropped her voice to a whisper. 'But seriously, I swear to God they are making this meatloaf out of corpses.'

Lily smiled out of instinct, puzzled. She wondered what this girl had done to get in here but truthfully didn't want to know. Strangely enough, she was already starting to like her grey-eyed companion.

'So, where'd you come from?' the other girl asked, putting her chin on her hands. She had this kind of sparky, open quality that Lily instantly admired. With that, it was almost easy to pretend they were anywhere else.

'Um, another asylum – Hardwick Asylum,' Lily corrected.

The other girl whistled. 'Is it far from here?'

'Yeah – yeah, I guess so.'

'Must have been a bitch of a car ride. Did they strap you down?'

Lily nodded vehemently. The other girl laughed a little. 'Don't worry, that shit only happens to the real nutty people here. Even I haven't been in a strait jacket. At least, not yet.'

'When'd you get here?' Lily couldn't help but ask.

'Six months ago,' the girl said amiably. 'I used to play roller derby and the ref said we didn't win – you know, _right after we'd won_. And it's the championships right? So I just, you know, lost my shit and bashed his brain in with a skate.' She watched Lily's wide eyes before bursting into laughter. 'Ohhh God, I am _so_ sorry,' she bawled, 'but you should have _seen_ your face!'

Lily found herself laughing too after a while.

'Nah,' the girl said, 'I'm in here for a bunch of stuff.'

'Okay,' said Lily. 'You don't have to talk about it.'

'Yeah,' the girl agreed, 'okay.' She stuck out a hand. 'Jenna Mourby.'

'Lily Altridge.'

'Hi, Lily, nice to meet you,' Jenna grinned. She looked over to the doors and wolf-whistled. 'Well, well, well, if it isn't the doctor in the house,' she said coolly and, to Lily's surprise, jumped up on the table. 'CAN I HEAR AN AMEN, PEOPLE?' She looked down at Lily and whispered 'amen THANK YOU, PEOPLE, thank you very much,' she added, falling into a timeless and pretty terrible impersonation of Elvis Presley. Lily felt her face heat up as everyone in the room focused on them.

'Mourby, sit down!' a guard ordered, unsurprisingly pissed off with Jenna's behavior.

Jenna gasped loudly. 'Are you going to make me?'

Lily couldn't help it; she was laughing now, even though she felt like cringing with the secondhand embarrassment. Jenna was just so _alive_ , practically carefree in the face of what she was dealing with. 'Sit down!' she managed through her mortified giggles.

Jenna glanced back to Lily before grinning widely and slipping easily back into her seat. 'I like you, Altridge,' she decided gleefully. Lily thanked her stars. 'And anyway, I'm allowed to have my fun totally perving on Doctor Crane.'

'Why are you perving on anybody?' Lily asked.

'Um, because he has a hot ass. Turn your heard, Lily-Lou, and behold the magic of our hot head-psych.'

'I don't really want –'

'Dammit Lily, enjoy the little things in here.'

Lily sighed and did as Jenna said. There were a few people standing by the door next to the guards. As Lily didn't find the first two physically appealing, she expected the one who had his back turned to her was this mysterious Dr. Crane. 'I'm getting nothing,' she said honestly, turning back to face her new friend. 'I think you've been in here too long.'

Jenna looked incredulous. 'Did you _see_ his face?'

'No,' Lily admitted.

'What about his ass?'

' _No._ '

'Oh come on! It's amazing! And he's the only guy here who is a total babe!' Jenna groaned, putting her head in her hands before composing herself. 'Okay, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, yeah? Although Doctor Crane has this seriously hot bod, he has an equally freezing personality to match it.' She rolled her eyes. 'Seriously, the guy needs to get _laid_.'

'This is making me kind of uncomfortable,' Lily said brightly.

'You're in an asylum, Lil. Deal.'

'Well then. Did you ask him out?' Lily quipped. It felt good, being able to tease someone who wasn't going to stick a form of cutlery in your eye.

Jenna grinned mischievously. 'He used to be my personal psychiatrist for a while.'

'Used to? What happened?' Lily asked.

'Apparently he dumped me because he said I got too "problematic" with my "attachment issues". Whatever, I think he's just afraid of commitment,' Jenna contemplated. Lily made sure to laugh, secretly thinking Dr. Crane was probably right.

'Anyway, it turns out he actually got a job at the Asylum because he actually _wanted_ to learn about crazy people and pharmaceuticals, not because he's that mythical hottie who ties you up in a strait jacket and tells you your session is about sexual stimulation,' Jenna lamented.

'Far out. Given it some thought, have you?' Lily said.

Jenna chuckled. 'Just a little.' She shrugged irritably. 'But only the creeps want to do that.'

Lily thought of Allison. 'Yeah, I knew a creep like that.' She had already inwardly decided that Dr. Crane probably wasn't that attractive anyway. Jenna was probably just stressing over nothing after not seeing a hot guy for ages; by saying Dr. Crane was the most attractive out of all the guys here – well, Lily thought, glancing around, that didn't mean much. And frankly, she was _happy_ he didn't happen to have a penchant for sexual assault. Gee. What a buzz-kill.

'Apparently he was the one that moved –'

' _Hate to see you leave, love to watch you go!_ ' Jenna screeched suddenly, breaking into giggles and Lily frowned. 'What are you –?'

'Is there a problem, Miss Mourby?' asked a very smooth voice from behind her and Lily froze. Was that a sexy voice or had she just been in madhouses for too long?

'Hi, Doctor Crane,' Jenna said dreamily, a little catlike smile on her face as she rested her chin in her palm, looking up through her lashes. _Please, people are eating in here,_ Lily thought in an almost sickened way when Jenna casually reached out and gripped her chin, forcing her head to turn so she could get her first real view of Dr. Crane.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The bottom of her stomach dropped. The young man now standing next to Jenna was indeed very cute – a lean kind of physique in a dark suit, with pale skin and brown hair, much darker than Lily's. He had high cheekbones ( _dear GOD would you look at those_ ) and these amazing eyes – eyes that were caged behind rimless glasses – that reminded Lily of a picture she'd seen in class once, a picture of an iceberg under Arctic waters, when their teacher had been trying to show them how the only the tip breached the surface. The color of the submerged ice had been a clear pale blue and, looking at the expression lounging within those eyes of his, she decided anything to do with ice would describe Dr. Crane's cold eyes just fine.

He also looked like someone who was very hard to impress.

 _Hot exterior, cold interior_ , Lily reminded herself. She also had to remind herself to swallow. And not to look at his cheekbones because, boy, did they look lickable –

 _Whoa! None of that_ , a voice in her head told her angrily and Lily silenced her inner turmoil (and hormones), instead focusing on the conversation.

'Everything's fine, Doctor Crane,' Jenna said innocently, still holding onto Lily's chin. 'I was just telling Lily about how your exceedingly hot body juxtaposes your increasingly cold behavior towards people. Anything you'd like to comment?'

Lily would have preferred to staple her own eyelids shut rather than hear Jenna say those words. That was how embarrassing this was. Jenna glanced over at Lily's somewhat dazed expression and grinned knowingly. 'You didn't believe me when I said he was hot?'

Lily didn't even know how to respond; she juggled between glaring and trying not to say 'Nooo I believed you! I mean it, I really do!'

What came out was a quietly panicked 'I wasn't –'

But Jenna continued as if Lily had never spoken, looking back to Dr. Crane. 'Anywho, Jonathan, Lily – Lily, Jonathan.'

Lily wished that she had bangs to hide behind but, alas, there wasn't much of a style choice in asylums. She was finally, _thankfully_ , starting to get over her initial shock of seeing an actual Hot Guy. It was ridiculous how worked up she was getting – this was a pretty sad reflection on how long she'd been trapped inside.

He merely glanced passingly at her, not even bothering to speak. Lily felt a small bug of dejection crawl through her intestines. She pushed Jenna's hand away from her face and ducked her head.

'Like my little performance?' Jenna added, wiggling her eyebrows.

'Miss Mourby, if I were allowed to say such things as "the day someone accidentally gives you an overdose will no doubt be the best day of my life", I can assure you, I would. However, one has to remain professional about these things,' Dr. Crane replied coolly and as he walked away, Lily tried to suppress a smirk at the shocked look on Jenna's face.

'Told you,' Jenna sighed. 'Body of a sex god –'

'Personality of a dick,' Lily finished, turning to watch the young doctor leave the spacious room. 'I know.' She decided not to tell Jenna that Jonathan Crane had been the reason she was moved to Arkham. It probably didn't matter than much anyway.

She sighed. All she needed to do was get through this. Just keep away from the really crazy people and try not to get sucked into too much drama. As Lily listened to Jenna rattle on, she couldn't help but wonder why _he_ had transferred her.

* * *

It was hard to sleep, although Lily's roommate, a young woman who seemed terrified at every move that Lily made, barely bothered her, even as she whimpered and cried in her sleep. No, Lily's real problem that night was that she was so close to home and so far from it. She knew she'd never leave. A sane person in an insane asylum. How many people had tried to pull that one? And her stepfather had made sure that the staff at Hardwick –

Lily turned onto her back, staring at the stained ceiling. Did her stepfather know she'd moved to _Arkham?_ Surely not – surely he wouldn't have known – he'd made sure she'd been far away, dismissed her ravings of sanity and innocence as a guilty conscience and a mental dysfunction. She wondered if Dr. Crane had moved her here of his own decision or of her stepfather's. An uneasy squirm made its way through her midriff. Oh God. What else could her stepfather do to her?

 _He could kill me_ , Lily thought but that seemed too much. She wondered if he was dead. Maybe she would be found innocent or something. Lily knew that it wasn't even worth dreaming about that.

She sighed and rolled back onto her right side, facing the wall. Her companion whimpered and sobbed a little. Lily wondered what she was dreaming about and wished she could cuddle something

 _(muffin, his name)_

but there was nothing that could be done about another two hours of disjointed thoughts, she fell into a broken sleep.

* * *

 _Lying on the kitchen floor, blood seeping from too many wounds to count, dark hair lapping up the crimson that was coiling its way across the room, exploring new lands, so different from the body it had until recently been so safe inside –_

'Hey, you –'

Lily opened her eyes and was roughly pulled from her bed. Her hands were cuffed behind her immediately. She didn't fight, unsure of where this was going – some guards could generally just be this rough. She glanced over at her companion's bed. It was empty.

The two guards holding her realized she wasn't a fighter and loosened their grip, trailing along the corridors. Lily could see that lots of the inmates were up already, lying in their rooms, watching her.

'Can you please tell me where I'm going?' Lily asked as politely as she could, keeping her voice steady. One of the guards laughed hoarsely. 'Nice manners,' he croaked and Lily wondered how many cigarettes he smoked a day.

'I think you can handle this one yourself,' the other remarked, nodding at Lily's small size. He left to check on another room – it was just Lily and Cigarette Voice.

'So where am I –?' Lily tried again.

'Patience, sweetheart,' the guard rasped and Lily wanted to wriggle out of his grip, 'you're not going the same way as your roommate did.'

Lily swallowed. 'Does that mean something happened to her –?'

The guard pushed her into an elevator before punching a button. The elevator started to slide upwards. Lily moved from one foot to the other. She really hoped this guy didn't cause any trouble. _Kick him in the solar plexus then rupture his eardrums,_ she thought just in case. Pre-asylum days, her mother had enrolled her in self-defense. _It never hurts to learn these things in Gotham,_ Emma Altridge used to say. Lily, however, thought it was much more useful to own a can of mace. She wished that a can would magically appear right now.

She glanced at the elevator buttons and her mind zoned in on B. _Basement_ , she thought for no reason at all.

The doors opened and the guard muttered, 'you shouldn't ask questions. That's your psych's job.' He gave another guttural chuckle, shoving Lily out onto the white floors. Lily gulped. There were more people on this floor, running by her, some walking, some distressed, others bored. As far as she could see, she was the only one in handcuffs on this level.

Lily hadn't exactly been a fan of her psych sessions back at Hardwick. For one thing, she knew perfectly well that she hadn't killed her mother, yet here was some poor doctor trying to convince her that she had. Her first doctor had known she hadn't killed her mother; he always looked guilty whenever she sat down. She suspected he'd been paid to keep it quiet and in the end he had dropped her as a patient.

Her next doctor _hadn't_ been aware of this same fact and would get quickly frustrated if Lily tried to say she hadn't killed her mother. But other than compulsive lying and an inability to face the truth, she hadn't been able to diagnose Lily with anything like schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder.

Lily sighed as the guard pushed her into a spacious room with lots of seats and a bored looking secretary, her black hair tied into a bun. As the guard made to shove her again, Lily couldn't help but flare up.

'Stop pushing me!'

'Who's this?' the secretary asked, raising one heavily plucked eyebrow. The clock above her head read 7:30.

'New girl, as the _good doctor_ requested,' the guard replied and Lily tried to smile, tried to make a good impression. She couldn't though – not if she was going to be assigned another doctor and another session. Instead, she just looked at the ground and decided she was going to lie. _Just agree with whatever they think,_ she decided glumly. She'd never leave anyway. It was just the way it would be.

The secretary sighed, starting to type on her computer before answering 'He's in. Just drop her in his office.'

 _I'm right here, talk to_ me _,_ Lily thought irritably. She'd simmered into a rather ugly mood and before the guard could throw her forwards, she turned around and snapped, 'I can walk!'

The guard rolled his eyes and gestured mockingly to the closed door – with her hands cuffed behind her back, there was no way she would be able to open it without having to look _really_ stupid. Lily glowered at him, turning on her heel, impatiently waiting for him to open the door while looking at her feet. She heard the creaking of the door and the guard said through a throat full of gravel 'Step right in.'

Lily rolled her eyes and stepped into the room, averting her gaze from the guard's smirking face. It was a nice looking office, especially after considering the state the rest of the asylum was in – she could see one of those good ol' black leather couches, where she was supposed to admit to her mother's death or whatever. Lily stopped short when she saw just who was behind the desk.

Dr. Crane regarded her through those beautiful (but bored) blue eyes of his. Was she just imagining it or did he look just a _tad_ more interested than he had before he'd noticed her?

 _There's no point convincing yourself of something that isn't there_ , Lily told herself, ducking her head a little under his scrutiny. Sure, he was attractive ( _understatement_ ) but that didn't mean she was allowed to have little fantasies about the guy who believed her to be her mother's killer. Or at least, he would soon. Anyway, Lily had learned to focus on anything but the asylum in her fantasies.

'Handcuffs? Really?' Dr. Crane asked, cocking a brow at the guard who was still standing in the doorway. Lily caught a quick glance at the young doctor while he wasn't so focused on her. She couldn't tell if he seemed arrogant, unimpressed or annoyed. But the way he raised one eyebrow was unthinkably sexy.

 _Okay, this is going to be a long session._

'She's a criminal,' the guard replied sarcastically. Lily looked over her shoulder, glowering at him.

'Well then, Miss Altridge, would you care to tell me if you've planned to do anything illegal or at least exceedingly _verboten_ within the next forty minutes?' she heard Crane say and her head whipped back, unsure of whether he was serious. He sure looked it.

Lily shook her head. 'Um, no. I have not.'

Crane gave the guard an impassive glance. 'Take them off.'

The guard grumbled something under his breath and Lily felt the bonds around her wrists loosen. She pulled her hands to her midriff, rubbing her wrists. The door shut behind her and it was just the two of them.

Lily swallowed, forcing herself to meet the gaze of her new doctor. 'Thanks?'

He sighed, gesturing to the couch. She hastily did as he requested, waiting for him to say something as he looked through a file she assumed was her own.

'Well, as far these reports can show, uh,' Crane looked up, a little bemused, which Lily ignored the appeal of, 'there's nothing exceptionally wrong with you. Unless you'd care to fill me in on something your previous doctors missed?'

'Um,' Lily said, blankly. Wasn't he supposed to tell her what was wrong? She resisted the urge to say _yes, but I killed them before they could tell anyone_ , afraid it would be taken seriously. 'Yeah. I mean, I guess so…' She trailed off, unable to really help him. Wasn't it his job to diagnose her anyway? 'It's probably… because of the reason I'm in here,' she stated. Although she'd mentally agreed to say she was guilty, she couldn't bring herself to say 'I killed my mother'.

Crane looked back at her file, gave a brief nod and looked back up, interlocking his long fingers. 'You're responsible for the murder of Emma Altridge?'

'Oh yeah,' Lily nodded nonchalantly, although inside it stung. He arched at eyebrow at her response and Lily decided she was probably being too casual. But she couldn't do anything better. 'That was me.'

Crane stared at her for a few moments. Lily looked calmly back, wondering if his eyes could appear translucent under certain lighting. After clearing his throat, Crane looked back down at her file. 'Not that you aren't very convincing, Miss Altridge –'

Lily felt shocked when she caught the sarcastic tone in his voice. 'Wait,' she said, unable to help herself, and he looked back up, 'you – you don't think I killed her?' This couldn't be right; maybe it was like a doctor-patient exercise. Yeah, he'd convince her that he could help her, take her side, make her trust him. Yeah, that was what it had to be.

'Did you?' Crane asked interestedly – but it was said in a way that made sure both occupants of the room knew Lily really hadn't.

Stunned, Lily shook her head. 'No.'

'I believe you,' Crane said amiably. Her heart jumped.

'Then _you're_ crazy,' Lily summed up. This had to be a joke; especially coming from a resident of _Gotham City!_

Crane glanced at her and both eyebrows rose this time. 'This coming from the mental patient?'

Lily put a hand over her eyes, unable to refrain from grinning because _he believed her_. 'True, true,' she added, letting her hand fall to her lap. She hesitated for a moment. 'Doctor Crane?' She looked at her feet. 'Do you think… do you think you could get me out of here?'

The second after she said it, Lily felt embarrassed. She didn't know _why_ , considering it was perfectly normal for a sane person to want to get out of a mental asylum. Her doctor ran a hand through his hair to push away a few strands that had fallen in his face. Lily couldn't help but notice again how sharp his cheekbones were.

'I think we both know your stepfather wouldn't let that happen.'

Lily's mouth dropped open. How did he know about her stepfather? Catching her stunned expression, Crane added, 'It was all over the papers, Lily. I wouldn't be surprised if at least half of Gotham's population is aware of who really killed your mother.'

Lily looked at her knees. 'It wasn't him _personally_ ,' she said to them, glad the words could run like ink on walls. 'He – he hired somebody. He came running through the door after I got there. I think he – I mean, he couldn't risk the evidence so he got someone else to do it. I could see it on his face.' Lily shuddered before noticing Crane was looking at her very intently. 'Sorry, this is probably really weird or whatever –' she began.

'Certainly. You are, in fact, the strangest patient I've encountered at Arkham,' he agreed dryly. She liked how he didn't seem to revel in his own sarcasm.

'Well… thank you,' Lily said, still a little wary.

Crane's eyes scanned over her face again. 'Hm.'

'So… if you know I'm not crazy and I still have these sessions with you,' Lily said, trying not to sound too hopeful at the prospect of sitting in a room with a cute guy who _believed her_ , 'what am I supposed to talk about?'

Crane looked at her file again. 'Well, we could start with how you feel about being sentenced to an asylum for a crime you didn't commit?'

'Broad topic,' Lily agreed.

* * *

After she left his office, Jonathan took a deep breath in, rubbing his temples. It was hard not to just _stare_ at her; he just wanted to study her features, convince himself that the striking girl in front of him was indeed the kid who used to live in his street and had given him a toy dog. She'd probably noticed that he'd watched her a little too long…

He removedhis glasses. He didn't need this right now, didn't need any distraction from the groundbreaking work he was doing in Gotham. He'd had to stop himself from asking her if she remembered anything from her childhood, where she'd lived, on what street…? It was probably too soon for her to know right now.

Lily Altridge didn't remember him. Not yet. But it didn't take a genius to understand that she found him attractive. And the prospect of her finding him attractive was a very endearing one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

 _Covered in blood, blood, blood, as it runs along the floor, floor, floor –_

' _MOM!' Lily cried, falling to her knees next to the corpse. The blood was seeping into the fabric of her jeans, staining them. She was reminded horribly of a few weeks ago, when she'd begged her mother for a pair of bright red jeans._

' _Mom! Oh, God, no –'_

 _She cried – what else could she do? She wanted to call the police, wanted to call somebody, but she was stuck beside the body, sobbing so hard it felt like she'd never breathe again._

 _Then the dream changed – she was very small, hugging something soft in her arms (God, what IS it?) but no matter how hard she looked, she couldn't see what it was. The ground was so close – she was sitting on the steps of the old house, the house she'd lived in before she'd turned six, when they moved – she was upset but not crying, simply cuddling whatever was in her arms, thinking_ I should give this to him –

 _Him? Who's him?_

(Ishouldgivethistohim)

 _Who is HE –?_

Lily woke up to find herself in a different cell from the one she'd been in last night. The nurse had given her a shot to 'make her relax' and of course she'd been knocked out for God knew how long. She sighed, looking around the room and jumped in shock when she saw her roommate.

'Howdy pardner,' Jenna said, smiling mischievously as she lay on her side.

'What are you doing here?' Lily whispered, lifting herself up so that her chin rested on her hand.

'Actually, what are _you_ doing here? This is my cell – they just moved you into it.'

'Why?'

'Because my roommate had a bad case of the crazies,' Jenna said, rolling her eyes. 'The guards were pulling her out when I woke up. I don't think I was meant to see them sooo I said if you were moved to my room, I wouldn't say anything.'

'You didn't,' Lily grinned.

'I didn't. It's just a complete coincidence, I guess. These guards do weird shit all the time. And no offence to my old roommate but good riddance – I mean, she was nice and all. At least I think she was – all she ever did was scream and freak out.'

Lily frowned. 'That's really weird. 'Cause when I woke up, my roommate was gone too – and she was terrified.'

'Maybe it's a disease,' Jenna mumbled, bored with this conversation. 'If so, I'm probably infected. You?'

'Don't think I was exposed long enough,' Lily said.

Jenna laughed quietly. 'Anyway, hooray, we're rooming together.'

Lily let her head fall on her paper thin pillow. 'Hey, Jenna,' she said slowly. 'What's Doctor Crane's first name again?'

'Jonathan,' Jenna said after a pause, sitting up and scrutinizing Lily. 'Why? Is he your doc?'

Lily squirmed uncomfortably.

Jenna's eyes widened. 'You lucky bitch! He gets to be your doctor and you don't even appreciate how hot he is?'

'He's okay,' Lily said, unsure.

' _Okay?_ He's the epitome of Sex!'

'Right, that's what I meant. He's – that.'

Jenna sighed, lying back down. 'Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily,' she said, shaking her head. 'How I wish I was you.'

'You don't,' Lily muttered to herself. 'Trust me.'

'So why do you wanna know his first name, anyway?' Jenna asked, sounding casual but Lily could hear the interest trying to cover itself.

'Just curious, it's a name,' Lily said coolly. It occurred to her that he'd not only believed her but had transferred her as well. Had he recognised her from the papers or something? If so, that had been one stroke of luck.

Jenna grinned sneakily. 'Did you look at it?'

'What?' Lily said, momentarily confused. She sighed, rolled her eyes at Jenna. She didn't need to think about this.

Jenna just smirked, turning her face back to the ceiling. 'He makes one hell of a dream.'

'Do you mark them down whenever you have one?' Lily teased, crossing her arms.

'Dude, he makes me feel like a nymphomaniac!' _No wonder he had to drop you,_ Lily thought. _You were probably on the verge of doing something not entirely legal._ 'And I've tried talking to my new psych about this but she doesn't wanna hear it, so tough for you, okay?'

Lily gave a tiresome sigh but waved a hand. Jenna threw her pillow at her new friend.

'You're not getting this back,' Lily informed, snatching the pillow off the floor and hugging it tightly to her chest. Jenna chuckled before looking back at her ceiling.

'I knew a nymphomaniac once,' Lily added.

Jenna's eyebrows rose. 'For real?'

'Yeah,' Lily said, smiling a little at the random detail, 'yeah but she was also, like, one of those people who can fall in love with objects and stuff? You know how people actually fall in love with the Eiffel Tower? Anyway, she used to go to my school – her parents were super rich – and one day we walked into the classroom and she was trying to get it on with a desk –'

Jenna burst into peals of laughter, burying her face in her hands to try and muffle the sound. Lily chucked the pillow back to shut her up. 'Shhh!'

Jenna, still snickering, looked up again. ' _A desk?'_ she giggled.

Lily nodded, trying to smother her own laughter. 'It was probably the single most traumatizing moment of my life – I can't even remember what happened after that, I must have blocked it out.' _Unlike my mom's death_ , she thought sadly.

'Oh, so is that why you're here? You went nuts and killed her?' Jenna asked. Lily's heart skipped a beat. She remembered Dr. Crane had said that the murder had been all over the papers. She wondered if Jenna remembered.

'Nope,' she said, shaking her head. 'I got charged for killing my mother.'

Jenna stopped laughing and nearly choked on her own spit. 'Shit,' she said, with feeling. 'I'm sorry.'

'I didn't do it,' Lily said firmly.

'Sure,' Jenna said.

'No, really. It was my stepfather.'

Jenna's eyes narrowed. 'Hang on – wait… I heard about this!' she said excitedly. 'Lily Altridge… oh man, you were on the news and everything! Yeah, yeah and your stepfather was that major businessman… I'm sorry. I remember when that came on. My mom used to say that she didn't doubt you for a second. You know. When you said you didn't kill your mom.'

'That's really kind of her,' Lily said, meaning it.

'Yeah. I miss her,' Jenna shrugged. She bit her lip before asking, 'Did you tell Doctor Crane you didn't do it?'

'Yeah.'

'He believed you?'

'Yeah,' Lily said, inhaling deeply.

'Cool,' Jenna said quietly, dropping her gaze to the floor. 'God, you're practically famous. It's like Arkham's version of TMZ.'

* * *

It was a nearly a week before anything remotely out of the ordinary happened. At least, out of the ordinary for Arkham Asylum.

Lily was sitting at the lunch tables with Jenna, unsure of whether the food in front of her was really edible. Jenna was asking her a million and one questions about Dr. Crane – most of them questions Lily wasn't really comfortable with answering.

'So, have you looked at his ass yet?'

'No.'

'What about his…?' Jenna raised her eyebrows coyly.

' _No_ ,' Lily said flatly.

'Seriously? You've nearly had him for a week…'

'Jenna, I'm in a mental asylum. I have more important things to think about than an attractive head psychiatrist –'

'AHA!' Jenna yelled, standing up. 'You said he was attractive!'

Lily looked around hastily to make sure said attractive guy was not in the room. 'Dude, sit down or I will throw this food at you!' she hissed. Jenna cracked up and did as she said, muttering to herself 'God, Lily, you really are such a prude. Plus you are the only person to threaten me with food. Oh _hey_ , that rhymed.' She was silent for a minute, trying to work out if Lily was silently joking along with her. Lily _was_ but she didn't intend to let Jenna know that.

'So… what _have_ you two been doing?' Jenna wheedled, a sly look in her eyes.

In answer to Jenna's question, Lily just smiled. She couldn't help it. It was just so _refreshing_ to have a doctor – someone _credible_ – that _believed her_. Lily thought she really might be crazy: she was enjoying her sessions probably a little more than she should have. She wasn't in love with the guy or anything – she could state he was attractive the same way she could state a rhino was grey; it was just a fact. However, she was catching herself doing things she shouldn't have – such as wondering what his hair would feel like if she ran her fingers through it.

Lily shrugged. 'He just asks me how I feel. It's pretty boring, really.'

Jenna gawped at her, speechless.

Truthfully, they'd talked a bit more than about how she felt. In the end, Lily hadn't really guided the discussion towards her time at Hardwick Asylum. She'd become an expert at steering conversation towards topics she wasn't very involved in. Unfortunately, so was Dr. Crane and, boy, he was much more learned than she was. She found herself talking about her dreams, the friends she'd had before her mother had died, about her school… He'd even managed to get her on the topic of where she used to live.

' _Do you remember much about your childhood? Say…' He shrugged. 'Where you used to live when you were five, six?'_

' _Wow, we're really getting into the "therapy" part of things, aren't we?'_

 _He frowned. 'That does seem to be the basis of my position right now. I'm sorry if you find that a little disagreeable.'_

 _Lily smirked, a little bewildered as she tried to remember. 'Ummm…' She frowned before shaking her head. 'Not much, sorry… I mean, I can remember drawing on the pavement in chalk. That's probably it.' She saw his eyes dip towards the ground, looking a little… disappointed? She was about to ask if everything was okay when another question crossed her mind._

' _What about you?'_

' _What?' He glanced up, broken from his thoughts. She smiled. 'Come on, what about you? You've been listening to me talk nonstop.'_

' _You_ are _aware that's my job, miss Altridge?' he said, allowing a quick smile to flash across his features like lightning._ Dear God, he's capable of such humane actions _. She smiled back. 'What's it like outside?' she asked suddenly, dropping her hands in her lap._

 _Dr. Crane looked a little bored by the question. 'I'm not the person to ask,' he amended. 'I'm usually found in here.'_

' _Well, where do you go, then?' Lily asked, raising her eyebrows. 'I mean – sometimes you're_ not _here.'_

 _Crane pursed his lips, his cold eyes giving her a look that Lily correctly perceived as 'drop this fucking conversation right now'. Then it seemed to dissipate and Lily wondered if she'd even seen it at all._

' _It's just,' Lily said haltingly, 'I miss things. Dumb things, I guess. Like… train trips, or supermarkets.'_

' _You want me to tell you about trains and Costco?' Crane asked, and although it was sarcastic, it wasn't unkind._

' _I want you to tell me about the last book you read,' Lily said simply. 'Or the last car crash you saw. Or, if you'd be so kind, what my stepfather's up to nowadays.'_

 _Crane stared at her for a moment, almost intrigued. 'Jung's "_ Man and His Symbols". _Car crash… while I can't pinpoint the exact date and time of the incident in question –' Lily smiled – 'I can tell you that the sun was shining, the car was smoking and the little girl in the backseat was crying. No one was hurt,' he added at the look on Lily's face. 'And your stepfather?'_

 _Lily tried not to swallow too obviously, hid her curled up fists beneath her sleeves._

 _Crane shrugged. 'He's outside, and you're in here.'_

 _Lily's hands unclenched. 'We should really fix that,' she said, hoping her voice sounded casual._

That had been yesterday and Lily wasn't exactly sure what to make of it. She sighed, pushing her tray away from her as another older girl with bronzed skin sat down at their table.

'Hey, Bonnie,' Jenna said amiably, rubbing the girl's back. 'Where you been for the last month?'

Bonnie's dark eyes narrowed in sarcasm. 'Remember that guard that tried to grab my boobs so I smacked him one with my food tray?'

'Oh, good to know they're all the same in every asylum,' Lily muttered.

'Yeah, good for you for being in more than one,' Bonnie said, not even batting an eye. Lily's eyebrows shot up her forehead as Bonnie continued, ignoring her. 'Apparently if they're pissed at you, it's okay if you get some time in the secure wing and a ticket to a strait jacket.'

'They really do that?' Lily asked, unsure of whether she'd be rebuffed again.

'Sometimes, if they're feeling ruthless,' Bonnie admitted.

Lily shuddered. Bonnie and Jenna noticed. 'What's up with her?' Bonnie asked, scratching her neck idly.

'She's got a glitch with strait jackets,' Jenna said defensively, shuffling in front of Lily. 'It's cool, we all have something!'

'Chill,' Bonnie said, rolling her eyes. She smiled at Lily. 'Hey, I'm Bonnie.'

'Bonnie suffers from mild schizophrenia,' Jenna added.

'Oh, nice to meet you,' Lily said sincerely, holding out her hand. Bonnie looked at it then turned her gaze to the empty other side of the table questioningly. She nodded and turned back to Lily, shaking her hand. 'Marley says that it's okay, you're not a spy.'

'Oh,' Lily said, trying not to sound too surprised. 'Thanks, Marley.'

Jenna and Bonnie looked a little smug before smothering their laughter with their hands. 'Oh come on,' Lily said, grinning a little even though she'd been duped.

'You fall for these things every time,' Jenna giggled. 'Gullible child,' she scolded playfully. Lily had learned not to really ask what these girls at Arkham had done to get in here. She found that she really didn't want to know.

'So, what did I miss?' Bonnie asked, running a hand through her long, tangled hair in desperation to destroy the knots.

'Well, Bonnie, this is Lily,' Jenna said pompously. 'She's in Arkham for a crime she didn't commit and just so happens to be getting it on with Doctor Crane.'

'We are _not_ ,' Lily squeaked, hastily looking around the lunchroom – just in case somebody heard such a thing.

'Jeez, no need to make a scene,' Jenna scoffed before shrugging sheepishly. 'Okay, I lied. It's actually _me_ and Doctor Crane getting it on. Sorry Bonnie.'

Lily felt a sudden urge to kick Jenna in the shins and Bonnie chuckled. 'I see you're used to Jenna's humor?' she grinned before turning her gaze to Jenna and wrinkling her nose. 'You've still got it for Doctor Crane?'

'And _proud_ of it,' Jenna sang, swinging her arm. Lily ignored the little bubble of annoyance in her stomach.

Bonnie tutted in distaste. 'He's such a creep.'

'What?' Lily and Jenna said in unison – Jenna sounded outraged, Lily confused (and _perhaps…_ a little irritated).

'Why?' Lily continued as Jenna crossed her arms and huffed.

Bonnie put her forearms on the table, leaning as close a possible. Her dark eyes glinted at the hint of gossip. 'Don't you know what he does to the patients around here?'

'Inflicts his glorious beauty on them?' Jenna suggested. Lily gave her a warning look and Jenna hushed.

Bonnie licked her lips, flicking her eyes back and forth to check if anyone else was listening. She had easily roped both girls into the conversation and they watched her with awed eyes, the same way children gather around a wonderful storyteller.

'Well, there are a few stories here and there. About the crazies – you know, the _real_ crazies here, like, the ones we don't even get to see – apparently they're not so crazy to begin with…' She arched her eyebrows. 'You know what I mean?'


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Although Jenna and Lily both shook their heads, Lily could feel a gnawing sense of dread in her stomach.

Bonnie pursed her lips, obviously annoyed at her story not getting across. She tried again. 'Okay, well, some of the people around here would kind of put two and two together.'

'I only heard one thing in that sentence that was majorly shocking,' Jenna said warily.

'As did I,' Lily put in.

' _Well_ ,' Bonnie said irritably, 'they _say_ that the crazies – be _fore_ they were crazy – just minded their own business. They leave for a session with their friendly neighborhood head psych. Come back with a bad diagnosis and a case of screaming their heads off.'

Jenna was skeptical. 'Yeah, who told you that?'

'It's true!'

Lily shrugged. 'We're in an asylum… something tells me that the rumors in here are less believable than the rumors outside. Someone who's totally lost their marbles could have dreamed that up and sworn it was real.'

'I'm with Lily,' Jenna said stoically.

'That's what I thought too,' Bonnie agreed before taking a darker tone. 'But then I was _in_ the secure wing… dude, I swear, it was pretty much silent. Then I saw him walk past my room and one of the doors on the floor unlocked – I swear it was right next to mine. Within _minutes_ , the screaming begins. And then Crane walks right back past my room, cool as you please. I was so scared that he was going to come in my room for the whole time I was there.'

'You were scared that he was going to come into your room… just him… while you were in a straitjacket?' Jenna wiggled her eyebrows. 'Sounds kinda kinky to me.'

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. 'Gross.'

'Jenna has a few fantasies,' Lily explained. Her roommate had gone into great detail explaining them over the last week. 'I'm guessing this one ends with the whole '"sexual stimulation" thing?'

Jenna fluttered her eyelashes, her mouth dropping open slightly. 'Would it be too much to ask?' she wondered.

* * *

There wasn't a session that day. Lily lay in her bed, wondering if she'd done something to piss him off and if so, why he would be so childish as to not have a session with her.

'Hey, Lil?' Jenna mumbled, sitting up slowly. The hair on the right side of her head was sticking up in tufty angles. 'Can I ask you something?'

'Yeah, Jen, sure,' Lily said easily, turning onto her side. _Anything to distract me from these stupid thoughts._

Jenna was silent for a moment, looking at the floor. She asked cautiously, 'Do you really like Doctor Crane?'

Lily blinked ( _can we talk about_ anything _else?_ ) before shaking her head.

'Oh,' said Jenna. 'So – so you don't like him and you still don't think he did all that stuff to those crazies?'

'Jenna,' Lily said gently, 'Bonnie's just trying to scare you. Crane doesn't do anything like that. It's all make believe.' She smiled comfortingly but Jenna swallowed. 'It's just – he doesn't like me. So – so I was just thinking… maybe he might…'

 _Oh._ Lily felt her heart wrench.

'What do you mean he doesn't like you?' she said, frowning like this was the most ridiculous notion she had heard. She was lying through her teeth, God, but Jenna looked so afraid. In response, Jenna snorted; at least it wasn't terror.

'You don't have to lie, y'know?' She shrugged. 'It doesn't bother me, y'know? It's not like I'm in love with him or anything, he's obviously a fucking asshole. He's just something to look at.' She was quiet for a minute. 'But he doesn't talk to you like you're worthless, does he?' It was less of a question than an accusation.

Lily rolled her eyes inwardly. She _refused_ to have another conversation with Jenna about Crane. 'Jenna, get real –'

'I can't. I'm crazy,' Jenna lamented softly to herself, turning onto her back. 'You don't know what I mean.'

'Jenna, those stories Bonnie told weren't real, okay?' Lily said calmingly, smiling at her companion.

'He likes you,' Jenna mumbled. 'You're not like the others.'

Lily's stomach was starting to hurt. She didn't know how to convince Jenna to move past this and the fact she couldn't help her friend was starting to annoy her. 'Y'know what? I'm really beat,' Lily yawned, rolling so that she faced the wall and so her back faced Jenna. 'G'night.' However, she lay awake for a long time.

* * *

'You left something,' Jonathan said.

Lily turned around, looking at the young doctor who was sitting coolly behind his desk. She raised her eyebrows, unsure of what he'd just said. He looked so gorgeous right then that every thought simply fled her mind.

'What?' she asked, dropping her gaze. If she looked at him any longer, with his long eyelashes and dark hair, his perfect lips, she was seriously going to leap over his desk and let the lovemaking commence –

 _Wait, WHAT? I mean, he's cute, but when did I start thinking like this?_

'You left something,' Jonathan repeated, arching one eyebrow and her heart began to beat a little faster. _When did that become THAT hot? Dammit, Lily, stop thinking like this, it's your goddamn hormones –_

'Oh,' Lily said, a little breathlessly, looking at his desk. She squinted. Whatever he was referring to wasn't clear enough. She took a step closer, keeping her eyes trained on the object. She didn't understand; while everything else was in focus, this one item remained a golden blur. She looked up at Jonathan – or at least where Jonathan had been standing only moments ago.

Lily whipped around, expecting to see him standing his office door. Except – there _was_ no door. There wasn't even a wall.

It was her house – her old house, the one she'd lived in as a little girl. It was winter now and snow clothed the ground. She stared at her front door, wondering whether she should step up to the porch or not. She could remember sitting there when she was five, waiting for someone…

 _I must have been waiting for my mother_ , she decided – but was that right?

'Hey,' said a voice. Lily twirled about on the spot. 'Yeah?' she asked, looking around. She felt oddly calm about the whole ordeal. The voice sounded like it belonged to a young boy.

'Hey,' said the same voice, a little agitated now. Lily scoured the terrain with her eyes. It sounded clear, like the boy was right in front of her. 'Where are you?' she said.

'I think this is yours.'

'I can't see you…'

'This _is_ yours.'

'What?' Lily asked, by now completely baffled. She started to walk towards her porch, wondering why on earth her mother chose this place to live in when she could see the damn blood stains on the pavement, when someone grabbed her hair and pulled her back. She screamed and –

* * *

'Is everything all right?' Dr. Crane said, frowning. All though he was talking to her, Lily saw he was keeping his eyes on the young guard who had marched her in here, pushed her down roughly on the couch and was now leaving with an irritating sense of superiority that seemed to linger even after he slammed the door. Lily had never seen that guard before and he hadn't exactly been pleasant.

'Yeah,' she lied; the back of her head still hurt from where he'd yanked her hair. Jonathan gave her a long stare, trying to discern whether she was lying or not. She smiled, tentatively running her fingers through her hair – she brushed across the back of her scalp and accidentally winced.

'Did he hurt you?' Dr. Crane asked sharply; Lily felt a little startled by his sudden concern and immediately took her hand away. 'No,' she said, making sure she looked puzzled. She needed to sidetrack him. _How does he make those stupid glasses look sexy? Dammit Lily!_ 'Why –?'

'Lily,' Jonathan interrupted and she fell silent. He pushed all the frustration from his voice. _This is what happens when you care._ He felt the shock of that passing mental statement douse him before intertwining his fingers on his desk. 'Lily, you don't have to lie to me,' he said gently. 'Okay?'

She gave him a blank look, shrugging. 'I'm fine.'

 _Come on, Lily, trust me._ He shouldn't have been short with her the last session. She wasn't as comfortable with him anymore. He refrained from rolling his eyes at her, instead keeping her gaze. She seemed to perk up a little in the silence. She was a pretty strong kid, Jonathan had found. Had to be, what with the last three years. He relaxed. She was starting to lean towards him again.

'He pulled me out of the cell by my hair,' Lily said nonchalantly. She saw her doctor's jaw clench and he looked down at his clasped hands for a second. When he looked back up, he seemed composed. Lily blinked – had she really seen that? If so, that was… surprising…

'Were you doing anything that might have caused him to drag you in that way?' Crane said coolly. 'Acting up…?'

Lily shook her head bitterly. 'I was asleep. Honest. But then again this place isn't exactly known for its decency… Gotham, I mean,' she added.

Jonathan raised his eyebrows, regarding her with cold eyes. 'It's home, though.'

'Yeah,' Lily nodded. 'That's starting to mean a whole lot less to me now.'

'Well,' Jonathan said, using one hand to take off his glasses and then rub his temples, 'I can certainly think of one person who'll add to Gotham's unemployment rate tomorrow –'

'You don't have to –' Lily began hastily when she stopped herself, taking a closer look at Dr. Crane. He had the steady, too-focused look of someone who was trying to pretend they weren't in pain. 'Are you okay?' she asked. He looked up, warily giving her a nod.

'Head ache?' Lily guessed.

His lips quirked into that rare lightning flash of a genuine smile. Her stomach jumped. 'Something along those lines, yes.'

'Are you getting enough sleep?' Lily asked immediately. She didn't let him answer, instead seeming to converse with herself, 'probably not, considering the hours you must work…'

'Am I the doctor here?' Dr. Crane interjected. Lily blushed. 'My mom used to get migraines when she didn't sleep enough,' she explained. 'Or when she was really stressed,' she added on second thought.

Dr. Crane just regarded her, amused. 'I'm fine, thank you, Miss Altridge.'

'Just wanted to be sure, Doctor Crane,' Lily replied, feeling butterflies start to explore her stomach. He smiled, this one more bemused than amused – one that lasted longer than the lightning storm smiles she was acquainted with. She could tell it wasn't one of those fake ones he would sometimes give to business acquaintances in the hallways of Arkham – with those smiles she could always see the irritation that lingered in his eyes or the cocky curl of his lips. Half of the time it seemed like he didn't even put effort into his fake smiles; people just accepted them. She liked his smile – his real one. She realized exactly how much thought she'd put into this and felt her cheeks start to heat up.

'You finished school early, didn't you?' she asked suddenly, quite out of the blue. His already wide eyes widened and the smile faded. 'What?'

'It's just,' Lily struggled, trying to think of a way to phrase this nicely, 'you're so… young.'

'I didn't… think that was an issue?' Jonathan said slowly, perplexed.

Lily shrugged. 'It's not.'

Jonathan smirked. 'I finished school perhaps a little earlier than usual.'

'How old were you?'

'Fifteen.'

Lily's eyes widened and she let out a whistle. 'Damn… so that means you're, like, super intelligent doesn't it?' Her education hadn't even been completed, what with the whole wrongly accused of murder wrinkle. _Fifteen._ She could remember that when she was fifteen, her grades had been average and her book of choice had been the fourth Harry Potter. _And he has a PhD in psychology. Don't even have a chance,_ she thought a little sadly… then remembered he was her _doctor_ and she never had a chance in the first place. Hell, for all she knew, he _had_ a girlfriend –

Then again, didn't he spend most of his time here? That probably wasn't great for girlfriends… and why did she even care if he had one anyway?!

'Uh…' Jonathan raised an eyebrow, but she could see a somewhat pleased look about his features. Lily smiled hopefully. 'I guess. I mean… that might have been my grades in comparison to that of my classmates.'

 _Modest much?_ 'Were they really intelligent too?' Lily asked. She was startled at her interest – amazed that she'd _finally managed_ to get him to talk about himself.

He gave her a dry look. 'Not exactly.'

Lily nodded. _They bullied you_ , she thought suddenly and knew it to be true. She didn't know _how_ she knew... but it seemed right. By now, Jonathan had seemed to realize the topic they were on and cleared his throat. 'Well, Miss Altridge, is there anything else you'd like to discuss?' He looked pointedly at her, indicating that whatever conversation about him had occurred was now completely over.

'No,' Lily shrugged before biting her lip. 'Actually…'

'Yes?'

 _How did I just know that you were bullied as a child? I mean, it feels like a lot more than intuition… God, why couldn't I have just_ dreamed _that he looks this gorgeous?_

'You know what? It's nothing,' Lily said firmly.

Crane's scrutinized her once more and Lily knew he could tell she was lying. But he said nothing more of it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Although he had to admit he enjoyed Lily's company ( _in what alternate reality_ wouldn't _he?_ ), Jonathan couldn't stop the wave of relief he felt when she left. It hit him like a painkiller, a sedative – morphine, Valium maybe. He'd acted like everything was okay, sure; but that bastard who'd fucking pulled her hair –

He clenched his fists momentarily before taking a deep breath. _Calm down, come on, calm down –_

If he so much as _touched_ her again –

 _Calm down, calm down –_

He swore through gritted teeth, leaning against his office door. He hadn't felt this angry in years; Lily Altridge was tearing him apart.

He took another deep breath, not because of anger… but because he wanted her. He supposed it hadn't exactly been a surprise … but it was one that he might have hoped to avoid. He really didn't need the distraction.

It was definitely a new feeling. He hadn't even _meant_ to talk about himself. She just… she'd been smiling at him, with her freckles and her eyes that had almost looked green in the light of his office…

 _If you want her_ , whispered a silky voice somewhere inside his mind, _just take her, Jonny._

But he couldn't do that to her. Not like this. Never like this.

Jonathan glared at the other side of his room. Sure, he could get away with the experiments with psycho-pharmaceuticals and hopefully, by the time Gotham found out what was being dumped in its water supply, there would be no time to reverse its effects… but even so much as brushing against a female patient these days was already a vouch for assault. He rolled his eyes. Mourby wouldn't mind: he'd heard all about that. He shuddered at the thought but couldn't help wondering if Lily would mind either…

Jonathan couldn't believe what he was thinking; that kind of behavior where doctors took advantage of their patients nauseated him – or at least a sexual kind of advantage. Because, really, he couldn't talk: he was taking advantage of the sanity of his patients…

Then again, was that really what was bothering him? Or was it the fact that he found it so unbearable to hurt Lily Altridge in any way, shape or form? Again, he thought of the guard who'd all but tried to rip her goddamn hair out of her scalp and couldn't help but smirk. Come to think of it, there was probably something better for him than unemployment. Better for Jonathan, at least.

* * *

'Shelley Kaneda is gone,' Jenna said quietly as her and Lily sat down at their regular lunch table. Lily, who had been enduring a day high thanks to Jonathan's smile, snapped back to reality at her friend's near-silent demeanor. 'Huh?'

'Shelley Kaneda,' Jenna repeated solemnly, staring at the dirty and scuffed table. 'She's gone. So is Michael Ulrich.'

Lily tried to think of who these people were. She couldn't put faces to their names… shrugging, she said, 'oh?'

Jenna's eyes flashed up to meet hers in confusion. 'Yeah,' she said matter-of-factly. 'And you know what?'

Lily shook her head, confused.

Jenna swallowed. 'I've heard they got a whole lot crazier before they left.'

It began to dawn on Lily. 'Oh, Jenna,' she said gently, even though her insides gave an odd twist at the thought. She wrapped an arm around her friend, hugging her. 'Jenna, that story Bonnie told us –'

'But think about it, Lil,' Jenna said desperately, 'think. The girl I shared a room with before you. The girl _you_ shared a room with before _me_. They were both psycho, scared out of their minds.'

The knot in Lily's stomach twisted itself into three more. 'That doesn't mean anything,' she said, startled. Actually, it could mean a whole _lot_ but that didn't mean Jenna had to know. She was shocked upon taking a closer look at her friend. Jenna's eyes were sunken, her lips chapped. She looking considerably worse than she had when Lily had first met her. 'We're in a _mental asylum,_ Jenna, people are crazy sometimes and –'

'It's happening, Lily,' Jenna whispered. 'It's happening and – and if Crane's got something to do with it –'

'He doesn't,' Lily whispered back, ruffling Jenna's short hair. 'Jenna, look at me –'

'You don't know what you're talking about! You're just as crazy as me, why do you think we're in here –'

'Jenna,' Lily said slowly. 'Would you feel better if we talked to him about it?' She regretted the words the second that she said them – but she couldn't handle watching Jenna try not to cry for another moment.

Jenna gulped and shook her head. 'It's okay, Lily.' She wiped a hand across her eyes. 'I miss my mom,' she said suddenly and burst into tears.

Lily felt something inside her break a little. She could see the guards watching them, either interest or distaste falling on their faces. Lily squared her shoulders and called out to the nearest guard. 'Hey!'

Other inmates in the lunchroom were starting to look around, intrigued by the young girl crying and her companion attempting to talk to a guard.

The guard that Lily was trying to talk to sneered. Lily took that as a welcoming response. She had to be _crazy_ for what she was about to do – then again, she was supposed to be crazy, wasn't she?

'Hey,' she said again. 'We need Doctor Crane.'

Jenna now had her arms on the table and had buried her face in them, sobbing. Lily patted her friend's shoulder as the guard's smirk began to show his crooked teeth. 'Oh yeah? Well, sorry sweetheart but I just heard he was in a meeting.'

'All right,' Lily said angrily. 'We'll wait. I just hope she doesn't get even more upset. I mean, who knows what she might do. And, I mean, while you're standing by.' She paused, glowering up at him. He had stopped smirking, and now a haughty look hung about his features. 'How would that look? Especially when we made it clear how to solve the situation –'

'All right,' the guard snarled. 'But when he says "no", which he will, we take her back to her cell.'

'Good for you,' Lily muttered under her breath. Right now, she was one hundred percent sure that Jonathan _would_ say no. _"Sir, one of your patients is demanding you go to the lunch room and console her friend." "Well, I best be on my way. Except – oops – I forgot. I couldn't care less."_ She probably wasn't that important to him. She sighed. _Lily, you_ aren't _important to him! You're just his patient!_

But Jenna was still sobbing and Lily felt that the only way she was going to feel better was if Dr. Crane explained that he wasn't somehow scaring the life out of patients. Not only did Jenna need to hear it; Lily felt she needed to as well.

 _Even so, there's something weird going on here_ , her mind told her. _Even if it's not Jonathan._

She doubted it was Jonathan.

* * *

When the lunchroom had to clear out, Lily was unsure of what to do. Dr. Crane hadn't made an appearance and Jenna was still wailing and crying. She felt awful; Jenna _never_ seemed like one to cry. She was starting to stress out when the guard who had left to find Jonathan returned, a sheepish look plastered on his face. He glared at Lily and grumbled, 'Wait right here. He's with a patient.'

Lily nodded, too relieved to even smirk triumphantly at the guard. Instead she patted Jenna's shoulders until the girl started to calm down a bit.

By the time Jonathan appeared, Jenna had nearly stopped crying. Lily felt a wave of gratitude wash over her as the young doctor hastily walked in. He was wearing the same dark grey suit from this morning but had removed his tie, leaving a few buttons undone at the top of his dress shirt. His normally neat hair was a little tousled and his jaw still looked a little tight, like he was grinding his teeth together, and Lily wondered if he was secretly annoyed at what she'd asked him to do. _Of course he is_ , she thought and hunched her shoulders, keeping her gaze on the floor.

However, as he asked her what seemed to be the problem, Lily heard not anger but confusion in his tone.

'Um,' Lily said, trying hard to meet his gaze. He looked concerned, his forearms resting on the table. She noticed for the first time that, while he'd shaved, he'd missed a small patch, barely a centimeter, just below his right ear. Something funny moved in her stomach and she swallowed, wanting to reach out and brush it with her fingertips, maybe even her lips –

 _LILY ALTRIDGE DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT._

'It's Jenna,' she said lamely. Jonathan nodded, thankfully ignoring the obviousness of this statement. 'Well, she thinks that…' Lily glanced at the shaking form next to her of a girl who suddenly had become very small. 'She thinks that you're going to hurt her,' Lily finished quickly, avoiding his spectacular eyes.

In her peripherals, she saw his look of surprise. 'And why does she think that?' he asked carefully.

Lily began to explain but Jenna cut her off, lifting her head. Lily took in the girl's red eyes and the tear tracks that covered her cheeks. 'Bonnie said you were making the crazy people crazy,' she sobbed. Jonathan's lips briefly parted in shock – his version of a jaw-drop, Lily supposed. 'And I know it sounds ridiculous,' Jenna wailed, 'but it's just I _know_ you don't like me and I'm just really sick of this place and I miss my mom,' she finished with a whimper.

Jonathan looked from Jenna to Lily. 'Were you with her when Bonnie told Jenna about this?' he asked her quietly, so Jenna couldn't hear him over her sobbing.

Lily nodded reluctantly.

'Why didn't you talk to me about this?' he demanded.

'I didn't think she'd be this scared!' she hissed back. For a moment, they just glared at each other.

'Jenna,' Dr. Crane said, somewhat soothingly, looking back at the small, defeated figure sitting across from him. 'I know you miss your mother and I'm sorry about that. But right now, the best I can do is give you my word that I'm not going to hurt you. Is that enough?'

Jenna sniffled and wiped her hand fiercely across her eyes. 'You swear?' she croaked.

Jonathan nodded and offered her a smile. Lily felt a mixture of frustration and relief when she saw it wasn't one of his real smiles; his eyes stayed cold as they trained on Jenna. The feeling of frustration, she knew, was because he obviously couldn't care less about Jenna. The relief? Well, she thought, looking at the stained floor. That had to be something to do with the fact that she was _sure_ she was the only one who had seen those rare real smiles.

 _Also,_ she thought, _if he doesn't care about Jenna, why is he so intent on making her feel better?_

Part of her thought _duh, there is a crying mental patient in the lunchroom and thanks to you, it is now his job to solve such things_ and the other part, a much smaller part, thought _you, Lil._

 _Stop it._

'You okay, Jenna?' Lily asked tentatively, rubbing Jenna's back. The girl sighed, nodded. 'Sorry.'

Dr. Crane shook his head to dismiss her apology. Lily thought his eyes looked a bit far away.

The sheepish guard cleared his throat. 'I'll escort them back to –'

'Actually, if you don't mind, I need to talk to Altridge,' Dr. Crane said. She gulped. While his expression still seemed distant, she didn't like the tone his voice had taken now; it was far from friendly.

 _Maybe he has another headache?_

Lily looked at Jenna who swung her arm, maybe not as cheerfully as usual. 'I'll go with Angry Face over here,' she said, pointing to the guard whose face showed the barest hint of irritation. Lily nodded apprehensively and Jenna stood up to leave with Angry Face. Dr. Crane simply stood up and started to walk towards one of the doors. Lily stumbled to her feet and tried to catch up with him. He was such a fast walker.

'Look,' she began and he didn't even acknowledge her, 'I'm sorry about asking for you –'

'Do you know why she's in here?' he interrupted sharply as they set off down a shabby hall. Her stomach sank; how he managed to sound annoyed, cocky and careless all at the same time was completely beyond her.

'What?'

'Do you know why Jenna Mourby is in here?' Crane repeated as they reached the elevator. Lily shrugged as the elevator doors opened. A woman in a black coat and a pencil skirt walked idly past them, murmuring a 'Doctor Crane' in greetings.

He barely inclined his head, focusing on Lily instead. The young girl shook her head as they stepped into the elevator. Lily couldn't believe how close she was to him. She tried to swallow her heartbeat, the one that was thumping insistently inside her throat. She focused intently on his jacket sleeve before her eyes travelled to that little patch of stubble.

Dr. Crane looked down at her. 'Jenna has multiple personality disorder. She killed her mother and her sister. She can't remember doing a thing. By the time the police arrived, Jenna couldn't remember how all the blood had gotten there.'

Lily's mouth dropped open and her heartbeat suddenly became less insistent. She felt like throwing up instead. _Jenna's committed my crime for real._ 'I had no idea – Jenna just said that she missed her mom and – I thought she wouldn't want to talk about it…' _Because I don't want to talk about it._

She stopped, realizing how stupid that sounded. She'd never even _asked_ Jenna. She credited Jonathan on not mentioning how thoughtless it was of her to simply assume Jenna's mother was alive and well.

The doors opened and Jonathan seemed to be halfway down the hall in a second. Lily sped up to catch up with him, still ashamed as to how she had never asked Jenna about her mother. They walked to his office in silence. The receptionist looked up, questioningly. 'Hasn't she al –'

Jonathan ignored her, opened his office door and gave Lily an impatient look. Lily ducked her head and swiftly walked into his office, hearing him slam the door shut. _Man, he is in a bad mood_.

'Is everything okay?' she tried. At Jonathan's glare, she shrugged defensively. 'You're not wearing a tie! That's out of the ordinary…'

She thought she saw his lips quirk, only for a second. But then it was back to business. 'What was she talking about?'

Lily raised her eyebrows, not amused. 'Jenna? The girl you just comforted?'

Jonathan rolled his eyes. ' _No_ , this… Bonnie?'

Lily shrugged exasperatedly. 'She just said that she thought you were making people in the secure wing crazy or something –'

Jonathan stared, baffled. 'How?'

'I don't know. She just said that she swore you walked into a room and then someone started screaming or whatever.'

Jonathan's whole body seemed to relax at the insignificance of the statement. He took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes. '… Right.'

'Look, I didn't bring it up because I thought it sounded like crap anyway,' Lily said flatly, crossing her arms. She already felt dumb enough today, what with asking Jonathan to come down to see Jenna and not knowing _anything_ about her friend.

Dr. Crane started to say something then stopped. He sighed. 'Thanks.'

'What do you mean "thanks"? Of course it sounds dumb,' Lily said, uncomfortable. 'There's just a bunch of crazy people in here trying to make their lives more interesting so they…' She wished she would stop talking; if she kept talking, and looking at him, then she was just going to talk her in circles. 'They make shit up,' she finished, cringing inwardly at how uneducated she must have sounded. 'And sorry for interrupting whatever you were doing, it's just – Jenna was…'

'I understand.'

'Thank you,' she said quickly. He nodded.

* * *

But now if he took Bonnie, it'd be too obvious.

 _Fuck_.

* * *

She knew it had been a ridiculous idea of Bonnie's, anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Lily didn't have a session with Dr. Crane the next day, which she felt was fair enough; anything worked as long as she didn't have to be dragged out of her room by that new guard. Jenna, though convinced Jonathan was no longer going to attack her, was still preoccupied with this new mystery she had come up with. Lily felt wave after wave of guilt as she saw Jenna's bright eyes and thoughtful smile as she attempted to 'deduce' what was really going down. Lily spent most of the next day imagining reasons for the disappearances around Arkham that, she had to admit, were quite frequent. She wondered if she should tell Jonathan.

She ran her fingers through her hair, wishing it were cleaner. It was definitely in need of a brush… but it wasn't as bad as some of the hairstyles she'd seen around here.

'So,' Jenna said excitedly as they sat crossed-legged on her bed, locked up for the night, 'there's my ex-roommate, your ex-roommate, Shelley Kaneda, Michael Ulrich so far.' She narrowed her eyes, searching for new leads that could occur inside her brain.

'Maybe there were more before we started noticing,' Lily said quickly. 'In any case, whoever is doing this isn't going to strike again immediately. They need time… so hopefully no one will notice what they're doing.'

'Aha! But we _did_ notice!' Jenna cried and Lily clamped a hand over her mouth, listening intently for the guard patrolling the hall. There was silence.

'But we _did_ notice,' Jenna whispered, pulling Lily's hand away and grinning.

Lily stuck out her tongue. 'Jenna, what do you reckon happens to them?'

'I think they get sliced and diced.'

'Really?' Lily wrinkled her nose at the thought.

'Yeah? How about you?'

'I don't know… maybe they're being tested on?'

'For criminal stuff? Or science stuff?'

'I don't know.' Lily sighed. 'This may just be some procedure – maybe they're just getting too crazy and they're moved to the secure wing.'

Jenna swallowed, obviously remembering Bonnie's story about Dr. Crane. Lily changed the subject. 'Anyway, I think that's all the detective work we're going to get in tonight. It sucks not being able to investigate the actual crime scene.'

'Well, this is a crime scene,' Jenna shrugged. 'The guards took my roommate. I bet they took yours too.'

'So they're working for someone?'

'They can think for themselves…'

Lily nodded. 'Yeah, I guess.'

'So,' Jenna said casually, 'you looked at his ass yet?'

' _Jenna._ '

'What?' Jenna chuckled, avoiding Lily's swipe. 'You talk in your sleep, you know.' She put on a high, breathy voice. 'Oh _Jonathan_ – don't stop –'

'I didn't dream about _him_!' Lily whispered, glaring at Jenna, although her cheeks had turned red.

'Admit it. It was him.'

'It was not!'

'How many Jonathans do you know?'

'It was that movie star… that guy from _Bend it like Beckham!_ '

They stared at each other.

'That sounded less lame in my head…'

'That does tend to happen,' Jenna said sympathetically.

'Okay, fine. It was. About… him. So what? I'm a teenage girl with apparently psycho hormones! And I _never_ said _,_ "don't stop".'

* * *

There wasn't a session the next day either.

* * *

Or the day after that.

* * *

'I'm sorry that I haven't been here lately,' Jonathan said, offering a brief apologetic smile as Lily seated herself in his office.

'That's fine,' Lily said – although it would have been less fine if he hadn't smiled at her. 'Is everything okay?'

'More or less.'

'Where were you?'

'Court,' Jonathan said simply. Although Lily was intrigued, she decided not to talk about it. Dr. Crane seemed to notice her sudden hesitance. 'I was there on behalf of patients,' he said amusedly.

'Oh. Were they patients before the… court hearing?'

Jonathan looked mildly irritated. 'Why the sudden interest?'

'Just curious,' Lily shrugged. 'It's been pretty boring here anyway.'

'Well, I'm sorry we don't have a lot of activities to offer to the criminally insane,' Jonathan said in a clipped kind of tone.

'Last time I checked, I shouldn't be here in the first place,' Lily countered coldly. His beautiful eyes, so determined to stay trained on either his desk or the floor, rose to meet hers. She felt like her heart had skipped an angry beat.

'You're right,' Jonathan said after a moment. 'Sorry. Maybe the workload's starting to –'

'That's okay,' Lily said, a little taken aback. She had _not_ expected this guy to apologize twice in the last five minutes. Especially since more than half the time she saw him talking with coworkers who would sometimes pop in during their sessions, his responses consisted of stares that would immediately downsize even the biggest ego. She shifted on the couch, clearing her throat. 'Am I any closer to getting out?'

Jonathan shook his head, barely glancing at her. Lily's shoulders slumped and she looked at her lap. _I'm never going to get out of here,_ she thought and willed herself not to cry.

Jonathan noticed that the girl on the couch suddenly looked a lot smaller than usual. Confused and (annoyingly) concerned, he watched as she hastily swiped her forearm across her eyes. _Oh, God, don't do that, please don't start doing that._ Surprised, Jonathan said her name.

She looked up at him, embarrassment clear in her eyes; she tried to hide it by smiling easily. Jonathan subtly grasped the arm of his chair. All he wanted to do was comfort her, run his fingers through her hair, kiss her… definitely kiss her… wrap his arms around her waist… throw her over his desk and –

 _Don't you dare do that to her!_

 _ **Come on, she wants it**_ _,_ cooed another voice. _**You can see it. She's wanted you ever since she first saw you.**_

 _Oh, really, you mean back when she was five?_

 _ **You know what I mean. Even then she still had a crush on you. You still have that dog**_ _–_

 _Shutupshutupshutup –_

 _ **Just give her what she wants**_ _,_ purred the voice innocently. _**You**_ **do** _ **want what's best for her, right? And anyway, it's better you than some guard or something – and I mean, look at that pretty little face, it's obvious that you're not the only one around who could want her – others might not be as**_ **civil** _ **as you're being right now**_ _–_

 _Stop it! I wouldn't do that to her!_

 _ **I'm just saying, she's not going to be innocent**_ _ **for much longer.**_

 _I am NEVER letting that happen to her. I_ protect _her. That's how it goes, remember?_

Jonathan cleared his throat, feeling proud that his inner struggle wasn't registering at all on the outside. Lily was still looking at him, politely bemused by now. 'Yes, Doctor Crane?'

He resisted the strong urge that was telling him to kiss her. 'Did your mother ever have any specific way of getting rid of her migraines?' he heard himself say. _Really? That's the best you could do?_ 'One that actually worked,' he added.

Lily smiled in a relieved sort of way, shrugging. 'Um, I don't know sorry… I think she just doped herself up on painkillers…' She frowned. 'Is everything all right?'

 _No, not really._ He could picture her all too clearly now. It wasn't just court that had kept him away from her. For one thing, it was the guard, who'd hurt her and who now was safely holed up somewhere in the lower levels, screaming about a scarecrow. Not to mention Falcone, enquiring about his employer and demanding to know where their progress was at. That and the dreams – the ones where she'd been writhing beneath him, moaning his name in pleasure as he brought her closer and closer to ecstasy –

 _For fuck's sake –_

He needed to get her out of here. Nodding hastily, he said, 'Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?'

Lily smiled again, looking confused. 'Dude –'

'Dude?' Jonathan interrupted, thankfully shaken from his thoughts.

Lily looked mortified. 'Oh man, I'm sorry!' she said quickly. 'I meant "doctor" – it just came out wrong –'

Jonathan laughed and Lily looked relieved, almost beautiful, and he knew that he wouldn't – _couldn't_ – take that advantage of her. Ever.

* * *

Jenna was acting crazy again.

Well, not so much as funny crazy as really bad timing crazy.

'We've got to get out of here,' she'd said firmly as Lily had taken her place at the lunch table. Much to Lily's displeasure, Bonnie was sitting with them today.

Upon hearing Jenna's words, Lily hands had lost all feeling and dropped the lunch tray – luckily, her hands had already been hovering above the table so the tray did not have far to travel. However, the noise caused a number of faces to turn in their direction.

'Hey, nothing to see here, people!' Jenna called angrily, stabbing her middle finger into the air.

'Jenna, you can't be serious,' Lily began weakly.

'Don't you want to get out of here?' Bonnie demanded. She looked suspiciously at Lily. 'Or do you like it here?'

'I don't like it here!' Lily whispered stoutly. 'It's just – we'd never be able to do it!'

'Aw come on, Lil,' Jenna said pleadingly. 'I can't leave without you.'

Lily bit her lip, looking into Jenna's eyes. This girl had been so accepting of her, had thought she was so cool… 'I don't know,' Lily said quietly.

'You shouldn't have told her,' Bonnie snapped. 'Now she'll go tell her dear ol' doctor –'

'Lily would never do that!' Jenna hissed, surprisingly vicious towards Bonnie. Lily, who had just been wondering whether she _should_ tell Dr. Crane, felt immediately awful. _Oh, God, I'm a snitch_ , she thought suddenly and bit her lip again.

'Jenna, maybe this isn't such a good idea –'

'Lily, something going on!' Jenna said exasperatedly. 'More people are missing. Even a guard! And there's something going on in the basement, we know that much.'

Lily felt herself tense up at that particular statement. Come to think of it, she'd never seen the guard who'd been rather rough with her a second time.

Something cold rushed through her.

 _He said he was going to fire him_ , said a reasonable voice in the back of her brain, and she relaxed internally.

'Lily, we have to get out of here,' Jenna said. 'Please, don't make me leave you behind.'

'Jenna,' Lily began but stopped at the look on her friend's face. She sighed. _Dammit, I'm going to have to go through with this._

 _Maybe you will get out._

'All right,' she whispered. 'What's the plan?'

* * *

It took every ounce of her willpower not to go and tell Dr. Crane what was going on. Even if she'd really wanted to, Bonnie had been keeping her under her dark gaze for the whole day. Bonnie didn't trust her, she knew that much; Lily didn't care much for Bonnie either.

The worst part, however, was that she knew Jenna's plan wasn't going to work. The girl was so sure of herself too, encouraging Lily and Bonnie that they'd be out in Gotham the next morning.

'Where can we go?' Lily pointed out when Jenna said this for the eighth time, hoping this would put the plan off for at least another night.

'I got my mom's house,' Jenna said surely. Upon hearing this sad statement, Lily stopped trying to interfere with the plan.

It was when they were locked in their cell that Jenna started screaming. Lily tried to stop herself from shaking but couldn't. _We're screwed, we're screwed, they're going to do worse than lock us up if we're_ –

'Hey,' Jenna whispered, pausing her screaming for a moment. Lily looked over at her, trying to hide how scared she was. 'We're gonna be okay,' Jenna said firmly, smiling. Lily wanted to race over and give Jenna a hug but found her legs were made of rubber. She simply nodded, her mouth dry. Jenna sprawled herself on the floor, screaming and crying. _Please don't open that door, please don't open that door_ , Lily thought then a new thought occurred to her. _Please don't be Jonathan if that door opens._

She saw a woman's face look into their room. The woman's eyes widened when she saw Jenna rolling around on the floor.

'Get help!' Lily screamed, doing a very convincing job. 'Please, I'm scared she's gonna hurt me, get a guard or something, please!'

The eyes disappeared and Jenna muttered, 'Jeez, my throat is _killing_ me.' Nonetheless, she kept up with the screaming and the sobbing and the rolling around.

When the door opened again, the dark-skinned woman was nowhere to be seen – instead, in her place was a young man with small, confused eyes and a boyish look to his face. Lily couldn't look at him.

'What's going on?' the guard asked; he seemed genuinely concerned.

'I don't know,' Lily sobbed, burying her face in her hands. She thought of her mother and this made real tears spring to her eyes. 'Please help her!'

Lily could picture it as she heard it; everything Jenna had told her. There was an _oof_ as Jenna's foot connected with the man's groin and a few cracks. The only reason Lily knew Jenna had come out on top was because Jenna never stopped screaming until she had her hands on the man's gun.

'He's unconscious,' Jenna whispered and Lily slipped off her bed, looking at the open door. _Shit._

'You got the cards so we can get through the gates, elevator, et cetera?' Lily whispered back.

'Yup,' Jenna nodded. 'Now we just have to find Bonnie's cell.'

'Well done,' Lily added, nodding at the guard's unconscious body.

'Oh, thanks,' Jenna replied, looking bashful. 'I didn't know I had it in me.'

Lily felt a little sick and they travelled out into the empty corridor.

'Where's the woman from before?' Lily asked, looking around.

'She's gone to alert our doctors,' Jenna replied and Lily felt a wave of nausea. _I don't need Jonathan to find out that I'm trying to escape._ Did it count as an escape attempt if you knew it wasn't going to work?

Then again, maybe it would.

'Come on,' Jenna muttered and they set off through the corridors, Jenna grasping both gun and keys.

'Shit,' said Jenna after a few minutes.

'What?' asked Lily, even though she had a pretty good feeling she knew.

'We're lost,' Jenna sighed, leaning against the wall.

'Oh, we have _no time_ for leaning,' Lily insisted, grabbing her friend. 'We either go back and apologize –'

Both girls made 'yeah right' faces.

'Or we leave,' Lily finished. Another thought struck her. 'Or pull the fire alarm.'

Jenna's eyes widened. 'Dude, best idea ever.'

Lily smiled though inwardly she was frightened. Surely their empty cell would have been found by now. Lily gulped, thinking of her doctor. She sure as hell didn't want to see him angry.

'Come on,' Jenna said excitedly, running around the corner –

Where two armed guards were waiting.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Lily froze in her tracks as the guns rose towards them. 'Stop right there!' the younger guard commanded.

'Whoa, whoa,' Lily said calmly. 'We're stopping.'

Jenna didn't seem to share this intention: she snarled, baring her teeth. 'You gonna make me?'

'Jenna, stop,' Lily begged, grabbing her friend's arm.

'Fuck off!' Jenna hissed, pushing her so hard that she, Lily, fell over. Lily was shocked and for the first time it occurred to her that she was the only person that Jenna usually obeyed. As she was trying to figure out why, Jenna raised her stolen gun – and the shots rang out in the hallway.

It wasn't so much happening in slow motion; it was more like her brain couldn't comprehend it, so the images her eyes could see were getting muddled, taking too long to process. Lily watched as Jenna fell backwards in a surprisingly graceless fashion, her eyes losing their anger, going curiously blank – by the time she'd hit the ground, the blood was already spreading over her uniform.

Lily crawled to her, trembling.

 _Her mother, splayed out on the ground, stab wounds –_

The bullet wounds were leaking red ink, had to be ink, couldn't be blood, not blood, Jenna's gasps becoming strained –

 _Walking into the kitchen, dead on the floor, gone forever –_

'We've found the patients on level three, they must have taken a stairway,' one guard was saying into a walkie-talkie. 'One was armed and is now down –'

 _Mom? Mommy?_

'Jenna?' Lily pleaded, desperately clutching her friend's hand. Jenna's grey eyes met Lily's hazel ones; her friend smiled painfully. Then the body went limp, the lights in the eyes disappeared and Jenna was dead.

'No,' Lily gasped, starting to cry, shaking her friend. 'Oh God, please _–_ '

'Hey!' one guard shouted at her. 'Shut up!'

'Jenna,' Lily sobbed, burying her face in her bloody hands. 'Oh, shit, not Jenna –'

She could hear footsteps, could hear others joining the fray, but Jenna was gone, dead, dead like Jenna's mother and like Lily's mother. _I can't do this anymore._

'Shh,' whispered somebody and she felt a hand on her shoulder. She _knew_ this person somehow, but the actual recognition wasn't computing; all she could do was look at Jenna and cry.

'Lily – Lily, look at me – it's going to be okay –'

'I screwed up!' Lily wept. 'I screwed up, I should've told somebody –'

People were trying to pull her away from Jenna's body.

'No!' Lily cried, 'no, don't take her away!'

'Lily, you need to let go of her,' the nice voice whispered in her ear. 'Let go of Jenna. You're not in trouble –'

'I don't care!' Lily sobbed, although she let go of Jenna's body. She doubled over, refusing to look at anyone. After a few moments, the hand left her shoulder, understanding that there was simply nothing for it. There was a drone of voices all around her and no matter what she did Lily couldn't block them out.

'What the _hell_ were you thinking?' that same voice, which had been so nice moments ago, was snarling at someone.

'She had a gun and she was crazy,' one of the guards said. 'I don't know why you need any other validation –'

'Come with me, honey,' another voice said, this one female, gently grasping Lily's arm. 'You need to go back to your cell.'

The cell without Jenna.

'Please,' Lily whispered. 'Please just let me stay here.'

'You could have killed both of them! For God's _sake_ , it's bad enough you killed a _teenager_ –!'

'Oh I'm _sure_ that's not the worst thing going on in this asylum, if you know what I mean, Crane – and trust me, I think you do –'

'We're going to give you a shot, okay?' the woman asked kindly but Lily was intent on listening to the guards arguing with the doctor. She lifted her head and saw Jonathan – of course, of course it had been Jonathan – in a fierce discussion with the guards.

'Who needs them?' the older one demanded heatedly. 'She was nuts, had no family and the only person missing her is another psycho that killed her own mother.'

'I didn't kill my mother!' Lily yelled furiously. Never had she felt so angry in her life. She pulled away from the woman trying to give her a sedative.

'Lily,' Jonathan began –

'Well, good fucking riddance to all of them,' the guard growled, striding past Crane and stopping right in front of Lily. 'I'd kill you without a second thought. One more lunatic this world doesn't need.'

'Look who's talking,' Lily said, gritting her teeth.

'Cobb, if you've finished threatening my patient,' Jonathan interrupted, a dangerous look in his eyes –

'Get away from her,' the female doctor next to Lily snapped. 'She's been through enough!'

'Guess only the redhead bites it tonight,' Cobb said in a clipped tone. 'Tough luck, kid.'

Through Lily's fury, an odd streak of calm appeared; staring coolly up at the guard, she plucked the needle from the female doctor's fingers and evenly stabbed it straight into the guard's groin.

It took a few seconds for everyone to comprehend what had happened (except for Cobb), including Lily herself. She had just enough time to feel astounded with herself before Cobb, who was screaming _like a girl,_ backhanded her so hard she saw stars and passed out.

* * *

When Lily started to regain consciousness, she noticed her room was bright and that she already seemed to be standing – or at least, upright.

Confused, and half blinded, Lily tried to move her arms to cover her face – to find they wouldn't move.

A chill swept over Lily's body and suddenly she felt very much awake. _Oh, no, oh no, oh God no –_

She tried moving her arms one more time but they were trapped. She was in a strait jacket.

She nearly lost her mind right then and there. She certainly felt like throwing up and screaming all at the same time. But _luckily_ someone was there to say 'How are you feeling?'

Lily felt like a fucking trapped animal. She looked up to see Jonathan was watching her with utmost concern. The fact that he looked gorgeous did very little to help her situation. He saw the fear in her eyes and his brow furrowed. 'Lily –?'

'Did you ever ask me if I was afraid of something and I said no?' Lily asked in a very high voice as she tried not to struggle. 'I lied. I lied and I am _so terrified_ of being in this thing –'

'Lily,' Dr. Crane said, alarmed.

' _This is for crazy people._ Oh my God, I'm not crazy, I can't be crazy, I know I'm not, please, please, please get me out of this thing –' Lily squealed.

Within seconds, she could feel a warm hand on the side of her face. Something within her immediately relaxed and she closed her eyes, leaning into the touch. She briefly wondered if Jonathan was even allowed to touch her but then found she just didn't care.

'You're not crazy,' she heard Jonathan whisper. 'Trust me, Lily. You're not. Just breathe.' She could feel his thumb lightly stroking her cheek, over and over again, finding a soothing pattern. Gradually she began to get herself under control, slowing her breathing and heart rate while Jonathan murmured things like 'breathe in' or 'you're doing so well, Lily'. Not only was she in a strait jacket but she also appeared to be strapped to something else – her feet weren't touching the floor. She swallowed down a sob as she remembered Jenna would have killed to be locked in a strait jacket all alone with Dr. Crane.

'Jenna,' Lily whispered, opening her eyes to see Dr. Crane was very close to her. He nodded and she shut her eyes again. 'Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you that she was trying to escape but Bonnie –'

 _Oh shit_ , she thought and shut her mouth. Nobody knew Bonnie was even involved.

'Lily,' Jonathan whispered and they were so _close_ and his hand was still on her cheek and there wasn't a desk between them. 'You can tell me. Nobody blames you, it's okay.'

'Well, I'm tied up in a strait jacket, aren't I? So obviously _somebody_ blames me,' Lily replied, feeling much like her old self as she opened her eyes _again_ and arched an eyebrow. Jonathan sighed, taking his hand away and at once she felt cold.

'Oddly enough,' Dr. Crane began, sounding (surprise) sarcastic, 'it appears that if you stab a guard in the genitalia, even with something as small as a syringe, they demand some kind of restrictive punishment. Not to mention the whole "trying to escape" ploy.'

Lily didn't have it in her to laugh but she smiled at her doctor's usual behavior. 'Now you sound like you,' she managed to say. Crane didn't smile, merely brushing a few long fingers through her hair. Lily felt as if she'd received a huge electric shock; her heart rate went straight back up again and her toes curled.

Jonathan seemed to realize what he was doing and took a step back, suddenly becoming very interested in the wall and Lily remembered the dream she'd had where she had been trying to find –

'My dog,' she said suddenly.

Instead of asking her what the hell she was talking about, Jonathan's head whipped to face her again, his eyes wide.

'I had a toy dog,' Lily said, unable to stop herself from saying the words aloud as the thoughts came with them. 'When I was really little.' She caught Jonathan's expression and shrugged (as best she could) apologetically. 'Sorry, I just…' She frowned, trying to remember. 'What did I call it?'

'Him,' Jonathan supplied through numb lips.

'What?' Lily asked, distractedly. She groaned, not only because she couldn't remember but also because her face _hurt_ so badly. 'It was like… food. Cupcake or something like –'

'Muffin,' Jonathan said.

Lily gasped. 'Yes! Muffin. I'd totally forgotten all about him! I'd – what are you…?' she trailed off because Jonathan had turned around and picked up something that was lying on the scuffed, plastic desk of this room. When he faced her again, Lily saw he was holding something small, so well used and old to the point where it was scruffy and dirty golden in color.

Lily stared down at the toy dog in shock, glancing up at her doctor and back down the dog – _her_ toy dog. 'How did you… where did you get that?'

'Come on, Lily,' Jonathan pleaded, and he was so close to her. Lily looked into his eyes, shaking her head. 'Remember, Lily, please!' She'd never seen him this anxious.

'I don't,' she began but stopped. She _did_. She'd lived in a troubled part of Gotham with her mother when she was young, not because the family was poor but purely because her father's father had built that house there and that was where they had stayed until her mother could bear it no more. There had been a school – a school near her house and sometimes her mother would let her play out in the street, and there was a boy down her street, a boy she'd been very fond of – oh God, _fond of_ was an understatement, she'd definitely had a crush on him. She'd left him things; she'd given him _Muffin_ –

The boy had been bullied at the school; she'd see it sometimes, she'd walk past there with her mother. He was so skinny and little, with a shaggy too-long mop of brown hair, his nose almost constantly buried in a book, and he lived with his grandmother because his parents were dead and gone, just like hers were now, and sometimes he'd walk home and he'd have scrapes and bruises and a black eye and –

The boy had had these amazing blue eyes, and she'd never seen them look as desperate as they did now.

'Oh,' Lily said, feeling her face heat up with mortification. 'Oh, my God. Jonathan. You used to live in my street.'

'You used to live in _my_ street, actually,' Jonathan corrected. 'I was there first. And you moved,' he added.

Lily stared at him, easily seeing how the little boy she'd thought was cute had transformed into the sensational young man before her. Better haircut, sharper cheekbones, but his eyes… they were exactly the same. 'Oh my God,' she said again. 'You knew. You knew this entire time.'

'I didn't know how to tell you,' Jonathan admitted, reaching out and cupping her cheek again. 'Lily, I'm sorry, I just thought that… I don't know. I'm not really good at – I mean, you _know_ and I'm still having trouble trying to tell you.'

Lily, however, felt her cheeks go bright red. 'But I used to –' She stopped herself, trying to spare herself the embarrassment.

'What? Have a little crush on me?' Jonathan smiled, a little teasingly. Lily felt her cheeks redden even more – she wanted to disappear, her whole body felt overheated and tingly and –

'No,' Lily squeaked. Jonathan smirked.

'You were always so cute, Lily,' he murmured, brushing his fingers down her cheek. Her toes curled. 'Jonathan, I can't believe it,' she whispered. 'I can't believe – _you_ –'

She suddenly decided that the straitjacket fantasy was one she'd very much like to come to life right now. But – 'You can't do this,' she said abruptly. Jonathan frowned. 'What –?'

'I'm your patient!' Lily hissed. 'If someone walks in, you could get fired or go to court or –'

'That's the funny thing, Lily,' Jonathan whispered, smirking, 'I'm the only one with authorization to _my_ patients in the secure wing.'

She might have been more annoyed about that statement than turned on if he hadn't whispered it in her ear. _I think I love him_ , she thought and shuddered pleasantly.

She'd be lying if she said she hadn't dreamed about him; not only kissing, she had to admit. Last night's dream had definitely _not_ been about just kissing. She couldn't believe that the boy she'd crushed on when she was five was here, right now, not to mention the fact that he was absolutely sexy and – judging from _whatever_ was pressing into her midriff – very attracted to her. That didn't happen in real life, did it? _Boy, I've got good taste,_ she thought happily.

And then something had to go and ruin it. She heard Jenna saying how the guard had disappeared and – with great difficulty – she said, 'Wait a second?'

Jonathan, whose lips were hovering just above her earlobe, muttered, 'Uh-huh?'

'Well,' Lily began, feeling deliciously good as he shifted against her. Dammit, _what_ was she trying to say again?

'Better be quick, Lil,' Jonathan whispered helpfully.

'Jenna,' she uttered. Jonathan stepped away, a little irritated. However he shook his head, searching for the last of his sympathy. 'I'm sorry about that Lily. I really am. But there's nothing we can –'

'Jonathan, there's something weird going on here,' Lily insisted. She found she could think a lot clearer if Jonathan wasn't pressing against her (even though she had no problems with that idea). 'I mean, seriously, people are disappearing – even the guards are –'

'Guard,' Jonathan corrected, moving one hand to place under her chin as he looked pointedly at her lips. He had never wanted anything so badly in his life.

He saw her frowning and caressed her full lower lip with his thumb. His thoughts – no, his _body_ felt hazy with desire. 'Is there a problem?'

'Yeah,' Lily said quietly. 'How did you know that it was just the one?'

'Lily, please, is this the same guard we're talking about? The one that hurt you? I fired him,' Jonathan said, without skipping a beat. _Come on, Lily, stop thinking about it, just trust me, trust me._ 'Do you remember when we were kids, and I told you I'd protect you? I meant it.'

'There're still all these other things,' Lily said suspiciously. Jonathan was losing his patience; it wasn't that he didn't enjoy talking to her, but right now there was something that _they both wanted_ and her little investigations were getting in the way of that.

'Do you think we could maybe talk about this _later_?' he said pointedly.

'Please,' Lily begged, 'Jonathan, there's something _really_ strange happening here, haven't you noticed that your patients are disappearing? The basement, I swear, there's something about the basement –'

'Shhh, Lily –'

'Well, maybe they're escaping,' Lily said stoutly.

'They're all still here, last time I checked,' Jonathan said, his eyes seeming a little distracted, even though the rest of him seemed so focused on her being.

Lily felt a dull sense of foreboding. 'What?' she said slowly before she decided that she didn't want to know.

Jonathan sighed, removing his glasses and hooking them in his shirt collar before he turned his focus back to her. His beautiful eyes took on a thrilled look that made her feel a little uneasy. 'Look. A few days ago when I said I had nothing to do with those disappearances? I wasn't entirely truthful with you, Lily –'

Lily's stomach dropped and her hope crashed down like a rotting carcass tossed into a grave.

'Don't look at me like that,' Jonathan said suddenly, gently holding her shoulders. Lily swallowed the lump in her throat and avoided his gaze. 'Lily, I didn't mean to lie to you okay? _Listen_ to me – its a hallucinogen that enables – Lily, beautiful, look at me –' Her heart gave a sickening lurch – _he called me beautiful_ – and he grasped her chin, tenderly lifting her head so she would look him in the eyes.

'Don't you understand?' Jonathan asked, eagerly. 'It enables the mind to project its worst fears – it's only an illusion, but you should see it, they can't _stand_ it. Can you imagine if a whole town was subject to it? The people would tear it down –'

Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. She'd trusted Jonathan more than Jenna; dammit, she'd _liked_ him more than Jenna. He was the first person in _years_ that she'd even had this much affection for and he just so happened to be a complete psychopath. She shook her head. Oh God, was she next? Her breathing quickened. She definitely didn't need to see her worst fears come to life. 'Are you going to –?'

'To what?' He looked blank for a moment before the understanding seemed to strike him like lightning. 'Use it on _you_?' he laughed, and she could only slightly appreciate just how appalled he sounded by the idea. 'No, no, I wouldn't do that to _you_ –' He was so close, nudging her cheek with the tip of his nose before trailing a line of small kisses up to her ear. Lily shivered, whether out of disgust or pleasure she wasn't sure.

No, she was sure. She wished it were disgust.

'I'd never do that to you,' Jonathan added, his voice lower. 'I can't deny that there are a lot of things that I _want_ to do to you, Lily, but that's not one of them.'

Her breath hitched and from between her thighs she felt a sudden, almost painful throb. ' _Jonathan_ –'

'I'm still here, Lil, right here with you,' he said breathlessly, pulling back so he could look at her. His eyes had this wild, eager look in them, almost dangerous, and for some fucked-up reason, she still couldn't deny that he wasn't gorgeous. She wasn't even entirely sure that, if he tried to kiss her, she wouldn't kiss him right back. His hot breath tickled her lips. 'Lily, please – you understand, right?'

Lily stared at him, feeling beyond ashamed, beyond betrayed. 'Doctor Crane,' she said through gritted teeth, 'I don't think _I_ should be the one in the straitjacket.'

He looked as though she had slapped him; his dazed smile vanished and the excitement in his eyes dulled. The force of her statement had shocked him right through. But then he blinked a few times and he looked composed once more, unhooking his glasses from his collar and slipping them back on. He tutted and Lily couldn't help but feel a sexier tut had never been.

'Well, I'm sorry you feel that way,' Dr. Crane said coolly, looking her in the eye. It was as though nothing had happened between them, as if they were strangers, but Lily felt too terrible though, too surreal and she could see just how angry he really was when she looked into his gorgeous eyes.

'Maybe after a few days of hanging here you might come around,' Crane continued, cocking his head a little. Just like that, he was back to the old arrogant, careless doctor. Lily bit her lip and ducked her head. _Don't say anything don't say anything_ …

She could tell her silence infuriated him all the more. _Good_ , she thought bitterly. Lily heard him step away from her and saw Muffin was lying on the floor. She felt like her heart had just been twisted into a hangman's noose.

The door opened and she heard Crane say, 'Don't let anyone in.'


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Bonnie was waiting, huddled in her cell. Jenna should've been here by now. Then again, maybe Bonnie just had a bad sense of time. But it felt like it had been _hours_. Her eyes narrowed as she thought of that Altridge chick. _She's probably told Crane or somebody by now,_ she thought angrily. That stupid girl.

 _Soon_. _Jenna's going to be here soon –_

There were a few odd noises outside and Bonnie held her breath.

The door opened.

Bonnie nearly jumped to her feet, feeling the relief take over her. 'Jeez, guys, what took you so –?'

She stopped in midsentence. Standing in her doorway was Dr. Crane, accompanied by two guards. Bonnie felt her blood turn cold from the look in Crane's eyes.

'Doctor Crane,' Bonnie faltered as she looked at the guards. 'Is – is there a problem?'

'I'm afraid there is, Bonnie,' Dr. Crane said seriously. 'However, there's a very simple way to solve it.' A guard smirked at her and began to advance.

'That Altridge bitch told you, didn't she?' Bonnie spat viciously.

Crane just sighed. 'You know, Bonnie,' he said, shaking his head, 'at first, I was just going to have you in the secure wing for a few months. But you _really_ don't know when to shut your mouth, do you?'

* * *

Lily could feel herself trembling. _Oh God, oh God, oh God…_

Even if she did manage to keep her head until Crane came back, she was still screwed. Whether he was angry with her or not, Lily was sure he would get over it and remember how he'd been feeling _before_ she'd crushed him. And what really scared her was that she wasn't entirely sure she would have a problem with that. Even now, thinking about how he felt against her body, the sensation of his lips caressing her skin… she shivered blatantly.

 _I need to get out of here_ , she thought. Jenna had never gotten out, had she? Lily dropped her head in shame. _Jenna, I'm so sorry._

One of her many conversations with Jenna suddenly came up in her mind. It sparked an idea in her head and suddenly it was happening before she could really think about it.

'Help!' she heard herself scream. 'Help, please, it's an emergency!'

She saw the guard's head turn but besides that, he seemed skeptical.

'Oh _shit_ , help me, help me _please!_ ' Lily wailed. She kept it up for another five, ten, fifteen minutes before the guard, finally having enough, opened the door. 'What is it?' he snapped, looking her up and down. Lily hooded her eyes and let out a little happy sigh.

'Oh, thank God. Please, I need your help.'

'Yeah, yeah,' the guard scoffed. 'You look to be in a lot of pain. I'm leaving now –'

' _Please_ ,' Lily moaned, throwing her head so her hair moved off of her face. The guard took a better look at her, his eyebrows rising so high they were in danger of disappearing into his hair. He wasn't unattractive – dark blond, taller than Crane, stocky, with mottled ocean eyes. He gave her a wary shrug and she could see his eyes travelling over her. 'How can I help you, miss?'

'I need you,' Lily said pleadingly, practically wrestling with her bonds. His eyes narrowed. 'Ohhh, no, no, I've seen this before,' he sneered. 'Doctor Crane said –'

'Did Doctor Crane tell you about my little problem? How he teases me, touches me, tells me,' Lily paused, biting her lip for effect, 'tells me he can take me over the edge, but constantly leaves me… dissatisfied?' She swallowed, closing her eyes. 'God, so dissatisfied.' Jeez, she was going to associate this moment with nothing but mortification for the rest of her life. She tried to remember the excuses the girl she'd known used to use... 'Please, I need you – I can't help it, it's a condition –'

She saw the man's mouth drop open. Still, he looked uncertain. 'I don't think I should…'

'Wouldn't you like to fulfill me?' Lily asked, keeping her voice husky. ' _Fill_ me all the way up? I bet you could. You'd be helping a patient in need…'

She could already see the bulge in his pants. She felt embarrassed, like she was overdoing this to the point where it was painfully obvious, but he didn't seem to mind at all.

'Oh – okay, well – I mean, if it helps,' the young guard said, moving towards her eagerly. She felt his hand on her navel and she squirmed, trying to hide her disgust. 'Um, big guy?' she purred, kissing every inch of his face she could reach. 'I kind of – well, I need my hands for a _few_ things…'

He was too far-gone to even question her motive; here was a beautiful young girl who needed sex. Simple as that. So of course, he spent a few minutes on the straitjacket. Lily could see the door was still open. 'Thanks,' she whispered, licking the shell of his ear as he worked. He moaned and she wondered just how much Crane would give to be in his position. _Douchebag,_ she thought as the young guard untied her from the straitjacket and her feet hit the floor. She shook herself loose and he pulled it from her, smiling in a dazed kind of way. She smirked back before punching him so hard in the face his nose spurted blood.

He went to cry out but she covered his mouth with her hand. They fell to the ground and she pressed her knee into his groin, hard. 'How do I get out of here?' she said sweetly.

The green eyes glared at her and he struggled this way and that. Lily formed a fist and cracked it hard against the guard's temples before removing her other hand and chopping it down on the man's neck before he could scream. He passed out before her very eyes.

She rummaged through his jacket, finding his keys, a key card and wallet. She took both before taking the jacket and pulling it over her shoulders.

She grabbed his gun, no longer feeling afraid – instead just… _angry_. She'd been locked up for so long for a crime she hadn't committed. If confrontation became unavoidable, she'd shoot someone in the leg. Lily didn't like the idea of killing anybody.

She made it to her feet, keeping a steady hand on the gun. It was still night, she was sure of it. She saw Muffin was still lying on the floor and, without thinking, picked him up and stuffed him in her oversized jacket. _Fuck, this better work_ , she thought.

* * *

Maybe an hour later, during which Bonnie had lost her mind and proved that her worst fear was rats (which was uninteresting, frankly, far too common), Jonathan was hastily making his way back to where he'd left Lily. He couldn't help thinking that if he'd just stopped talking when she was asking questions then maybe they could have both avoided that particular confrontation. Hell, after sex, everyone was a little more peaceful, right? He probably could've told her then and she would've jumped for joy.

 _Bullshit, and you know that. Stop with the self-pity._

Okay, maybe it wouldn't have gone like that. He doubted she would've stopped asking questions – Lily could be stubborn like that. Still, maybe leaving her _alone_ in a straitjacket wasn't the greatest idea… she was probably losing her mind right now…

Jonathan increased his walking speed. Although he was wounded by her lack of understanding – of _course_ , he thought, the one girl he even talks about himself with and she just can't handle it – he didn't want to hurt her. He already hated himself for leaving her alone like that –

But how could she have _said_ that to him? Through Bonnie's screams, that had been the only thing he could hear, Lily's voice, over and over again, telling him that she wasn't the one who belonged in a strait jacket and it made him feel sick to his stomach –

He left the elevator, turned at the end of the corridor and froze.

The door to Lily's cell was open and the guard was gone. Or at least he wasn't standing at the door anymore.

Jonathan muttered a particularly bad swear word and ran to the open door. Lying on the floor was an abandoned straitjacket and the guard, unconscious. The toy dog was gone too.

Jonathan swore again, although, he thought as he looked at the straitjacket and then at the unconscious guard, he had to give her credit.

* * *

Lily struggled out of the thin hole in the fence and tumbled off into the Narrows. She had no idea how she'd done that without killing anybody, herself included. She quickly threw the gun away, wondering how soon Arkham officials – or, more likely, Crane – would figure out she was gone.

She ran for a good ten minutes, keeping a tight hold on the wallet she'd stolen. The roads twisted this way and that and she'd seen a few GPD cars patrolling the streets. She'd ducked out of the way, hearing her heart pound. They probably knew someone was out.

Over her dead _body_ would she go back in that place!

She could hear a few dogs barking as she ran into an alleyway, sitting herself down and burying her face in her hands. Tonight, she would camp around these streets before locating the nearest thrift shop in the morning so she could grab street wear.

 _I'm not trapped anymore._

Lily thought about what she'd do next. She couldn't stay in Gotham – there wasn't anyone here for her anyway. Except for Crane. And boy, would he _love_ that.

She needed to leave tomorrow morning. She opened the wallet. There was around fifty bucks in notes and precisely seventy-two cents in coins. Lily sighed. She could buy a shirt, some jeans, sneakers and a train ticket. She cringed. Maybe a jacket with a hood and a beanie…

It started to rain. Lily heard a siren and watched in silence as a police car rolled by her alleyway. The light didn't even reach her hiding place. Her hair started to become vines; they swung this way and that as she waited in the cold.

How was she going to survive? She found herself wishing she had access to the money that her stepfather owned… money that rightfully belonged to her.

Lily leaned her head back against the dirty brick wall behind her. She thought of Jenna, of her mother and of Crane. Everything hurt. She began to cry.

* * *

In the early hours of the morning, Lily began to search for a thrift shop. She severely hoped she could find one that opened before it really got light, recognizing that she'd gotten careless with that aspect. She couldn't just wait outside a shop until nine a.m. in a jumpsuit.

Lily couldn't believe her luck when she found one that opened at 7:30. She waited, rolling her pants up until they looked like cuffed shorts under her zipped up jacket.

When a middle-aged woman parked her car out the front of the store and went to open the door, she stared at Lily. 'You're up very early,' she said, surprised.

Lily stared back, trying to decipher who out of the pair of them looked more tired. 'I like to get my shopping done early,' Lily shrugged. The woman nodded absently, unlocking the door. Lily scuttled in, already set off in the direction of the t-shirts.

'Can I make you some tea?' the woman asked. 'I usually make some myself at this point. I rarely get customers this early. It's usually just me and the tea.'

Lily smiled apologetically. 'Tea would be wonderful, thank you,' she said.

The woman nodded. 'I'm Beth.'

'Maya,' Lily said, shaking Beth's hand. As Beth put on the kettle, Lily found suitable clothing for a grand total of eleven dollars. She hastily went to try them on, surprised at seeing her body. She was thinner than she would have liked and her eyes looked puffy from crying, which mingled well with the dark purple shadows under her eyes. Her hair was a mess and in need of a cut. She pulled on the clothes, decided they were comfortable and wandered out to the front counter in them.

'Just had me the tags, would you?' Beth asked. Lily did as she wished.

Beth handed her the tea and pushed a sugar bowl towards her. Lily's eyes practically lit up at the thought.

As she hastily gulped her tea, Beth said quietly, 'You're not really called Maya, are you?'

Lily choked on her tea. She shook her head then nodded. 'I – yeah, course I am.'

'Really? Because you look a helluva lot like this girl that went to a madhouse for killing her mother a few years ago,' Beth said.

Lily hastily slammed a twenty on the counter before running to the door.

'Hold on –'

'How long 'til the cops get here?' Lily demanded, whirling around.

'They're not coming,' Beth said, surprised. 'Lily Altridge, that's you, isn't it?'

Lily felt sick and shook her head. 'No.'

'I know who killed your mother,' Beth said solemnly. 'Almost everybody does. Everybody who doesn't matter, at least. Why are you back in Gotham?'

'I have to go,' Lily said quietly.

'Are you the prisoner who escaped from Arkham?'

Lily was silent.

'Well, good luck,' said Beth, grabbing a few dollars change from the register. 'If you run, you just might make it.'


End file.
